Sex Workers' Stories: Clients, Encounters, And Their Daily Lives

The number of clients a sex worker sleeps with per day varies depending on a multitude of factors, including their working conditions, their agency (if they have one), and their personal preferences. While some sex workers may have multiple clients a day, others may have strict limits on the number of clients they see, or only work a few days a week.

It is important to note that the sex worker's profession does not necessarily define the number of clients they see. For example, an escort who works independently and meets clients for dinner and cocktails before sex may have fewer clients per day than a sex worker in a brothel who provides quick services with minimal conversation.

Additionally, it is worth considering the reasons why men pay for sex. While some men may seek intimacy or a connection, others may be driven by a desire to dominate and control. Furthermore, some men may pay for sex due to unfulfilled sexual desires, a lack of satisfying sexual experiences in their relationships, or the freedom to experiment with their fantasies.

Some men pay for sex because they can't chat up women

While there are no specific figures on how many men pay for sex because they can't chat up women, some studies and reports have shed light on the reasons why men pay for sex.

In a 2012 study by sociologist Udo Gerheim of the University of Bremen, Germany, it was found that many men who pay for sex are either sexually frustrated or hedonists who want to live out their erotic fantasies. Some men also seek to pay for sex as a way to address an erotic conflict, such as liking to be dominated but being expected to play a dominant role with their spouse, or being interested in gay sex but being in a straight marriage.

In a 2016 study by researchers Susann Huschke and Dirk Schubotz, it was found that many men who pay for sex are family men seeking intimacy and multiple sexual partners. The study also revealed that nearly half of the respondents were in a relationship of some kind, including marriages. Many of these men preferred to see only one or two escorts regularly, as it allowed for friendship and trust to develop.

In a BBC article, several men shared their experiences and reasons for paying for sex. Simon, a shy man in his 30s who had never found meeting women easy, decided to lose his virginity by paying for sex. He continued to do so because of his high sex drive and the comfort he felt with the same sex worker. Robert, who has been married for many years, pays for sex because he is in a sexless marriage and wants to preserve his relationship with his wife. Brian, who is happily married, started paying for sex long before he met his wife because he felt that sex in his marriage lacked excitement.

Men who pay for sex are not always villainous misogynists and perverts

It is a common misconception that men who pay for sex are villainous misogynists and perverts. However, this is not always the case. Research by Susann Huschke and Dirk Schubotz found that many men who pay for sex are family men seeking intimacy.

Huschke and Schubotz's study involved posting a questionnaire on escort websites and sending it via email to escort site users. Out of the 446 people who responded, 97% were men, with 61% between the ages of 31 and 50. Notably, 48% of the male respondents were in some kind of relationship, including marriages. The respondents came from diverse backgrounds, including farmers, doctors, civil servants, care workers, and company directors.

The study revealed that many of these men preferred to see only one or two escorts regularly, as it allowed them to develop friendship and trust. For some, the appeal of transactional sex was the ability to explore their sexuality and have multiple partners without the baggage of an affair or a one-night stand. However, 41% expressed unhappiness about having to hide the fact that they paid for sex.

Dr. Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor, explained that men often turn to sex workers or "happy ending" massage parlors due to sexless marriages or a lack of intimacy in their relationships. He noted that men may seek paid sex as a way to manage boredom or mental health issues and that it can be challenging for them to control this behavior. Additionally, some men may struggle to share their true sexual identities with their partners and turn to sex workers to explore taboo aspects of their sexuality.

While society often stigmatizes men who pay for sex, the reality is more nuanced. These men come from various backgrounds and seek companionship, intimacy, and sexual fulfillment, which may be lacking in their personal lives.

Some men seek intimacy on demand

While some men seek to use and dominate women, others seek intimacy on demand. Researchers Susann Huschke and Dirk Schubotz found that many of the men who pay for sex are family men seeking intimacy. In their study, nearly half of the male respondents were in some kind of relationship, including marriages. Many of these men prefer to see only one or two escorts regularly, as it allows friendship and trust to develop.

Some men seek intimacy with sex workers because they are in sexless marriages. They may have children, or they may be financially dependent on their wives, or they may be satisfied by their partners in every way except sexually. Psychotherapist and sexuality counsellor Dr Ian Kerner notes that transactional sex is simpler and carries less baggage than an affair or a one-night stand.

Some men pay for sex because they cannot be honest about some taboo aspect of their sexual identity with their partners. Kerner has worked with clients who have seen sex workers because they like to be dominated but are expected to play a dominant role with their spouse, or because they are interested in having gay sex but are in straight marriages, or because they like to wear women's lingerie.

Some men seek intimacy with sex workers because they are travelling for work and are lonely. Kerner notes that paid sex can be a "transactional way of having their needs met".

Some men seek intimacy with sex workers because they are unable to form or maintain relationships with women. Psychologist Dieter Kleiber found that many of these men seek a social connection outside of coitus. They prefer to go back to the same prostitute over and over again, and more than two-thirds of devotees used the services of a particular prostitute more than 50 times. One in four had sex with the same prostitute more than 100 times.

Some men want to use and dominate women

While there is no clear answer to how many men prostitutes sleep with in a day, it is evident that some men seek to use and dominate women. This can be seen in the reasons why men pay for sex.

Research has shown that the majority of men who pay for sex are in a relationship of some kind, including marriages. These men often have multiple reasons for doing so, such as having multiple sexual partners, exploring their sexuality, or addressing a lack of intimacy in their relationship. However, it is important to note that this behavior can also be a result of an inability to be honest about taboo aspects of their sexual identity with their partner. For example, some men may seek out prostitutes because they want to be dominated but are expected to play a dominant role with their spouse.

Some men may also have a desire to dominate and use women, which is reflected in the preference of some women for dominant partners. Evolutionary psychologists claim that this preference is due to the perception that dominant men have superior genes. Additionally, women who are anxious may seek out dominant partners for protection, while those who are easily bored may find them exciting.

However, it is important to note that the preference for dominant partners is not universal among women. Some women may seek out less dominant partners who allow them to explore new experiences without feeling controlled. Furthermore, while traits associated with dominance, such as assertiveness and confidence, are often seen as desirable, dominance itself may not be a useful dimension when predicting women's mate preferences.

Some men seek to fulfil their sexual fantasies

In a separate study, men who patronize prostitutes were found to be driven by a desire to live out their erotic fantasies in a red-light setting. Many men feel freer to experiment within the context of commercial sex than with their wives or girlfriends, enabling them to expand their sexual range and experience greater sexual fulfillment.

Some men also seek to fulfil their emotional fantasies. In one study, many of the men painted a picture of a perfect woman whom they would like to get to know better. A few even said things like, "I can easily imagine the prostitute to whom I go as my wife." These men have emotionally charged relationships with prostitutes, and they portray these relationships as intimate despite their commercial nature and limited scope.

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