Heartbreak's Tears: Don't Let Her Cry Alone

Crying it out is a sleep training method that involves letting a baby or toddler cry until they fall asleep. It's a controversial practice, with some parents swearing by it and others believing it's harmful. While it can be difficult for parents to listen to their child cry, studies have shown that sleep training in this way does not harm children or damage their relationship with their parents. In fact, it can lead to better sleep for the child and less stress for the parents. However, it's important to note that sleep training methods should not be used on newborns, as they are still adjusting to life outside the womb and their sleep is very disorganized. Additionally, there are gentler sleep training approaches that can be effective, such as gradually reducing the amount of comforting or remaining in the room while the child falls asleep.

The benefits of sleep training

Sleep training is a method that teaches a baby to self-soothe and fall back to sleep at night without parental intervention. While some parents swear by it, others believe it is harmful to let a baby cry. However, sleep training does not have to involve the "cry-it-out" method. In fact, researchers are investigating a range of gentler approaches that can help.

Improved Sleep for Baby and Parents

Sleep training can help your baby develop healthy sleep patterns and self-soothing behaviours. By reducing nighttime disruptions, it can also help parents get the recommended amount of sleep each night. A well-rested parent is better able to care for their child and can also experience improved mental and physical health.

Better Emotional Adjustment for Babies

Babies who sleep well, nap regularly, and have early bedtimes tend to be better emotionally adjusted and have a reduced risk for future health problems. Sleep training can help babies learn how to soothe themselves and cope with distress, which are important skills for them to develop.

Improved Learning and Development

Sleep plays a crucial role in a baby's development and growth. It helps with brain maturation, memory consolidation, and the development of a healthy body and immune system. Research has shown that babies who get more consolidated nighttime sleep have higher cognitive scores.

Improved Mood and Wellbeing

Sleep training can improve a baby's mood, making them happier and friendlier during wake times. It can also positively impact the mood of parents, reducing fatigue and improving overall wellbeing.

More Predictable Sleep Patterns

Sleep training can make a baby's sleep more predictable, giving parents more control over their day and allowing them to plan activities and errands around their baby's sleep schedule.

While sleep training can be beneficial, it may not work for every family or baby. It is important for parents to make an informed decision based on their own circumstances and their baby's needs. Additionally, it is crucial to remember that babies do not usually develop stable sleep cycles until they are 3 months old, and sleep training is generally not recommended during the first 6 months of a baby's life.

The 'cry-it-out' method

The cry-it-out method, also known as the "extinction method", is a sleep training technique that involves putting your baby to bed in their crib and allowing them to fuss or cry until they fall asleep on their own. This method is based on the idea that falling asleep independently is a skill that babies can master if given the opportunity. While it can be stressful for parents, research suggests that it can help babies learn to fall and stay asleep on their own quickly, and it doesn't result in long-term attachment or behavioural issues.

Establish a Bedtime Routine:

Create a soothing bedtime routine that you can consistently follow every night. This could include giving your baby a bath, changing their diaper, dressing them in pyjamas, and providing a final feeding. A consistent bedtime routine helps signal to your baby that it's time to wind down and prepare for sleep.

Determine the Ideal Bedtime:

Observe your baby's cues to identify when they are naturally ready to go to sleep. Sleepy babies may rub their eyes, yawn, fuss, or look away. Putting your baby to bed before they are overtired is crucial to the success of the cry-it-out method.

Put Your Baby Down Drowsy but Awake:

Place your baby in their crib when they are sleepy but still awake. Pat them gently, say "goodnight", and then calmly leave the room without waiting for them to fall asleep. This gives your baby the chance to learn how to fall asleep independently.

Expect Protest and Crying:

Your baby may cry or fuss when left alone. Remember that this is a normal part of the process, and it will likely be harder on you than on your baby. The goal of the cry-it-out method is to let your baby cry until they get tired and fall asleep on their own.

Don't Respond to Crying:

This is the most challenging aspect of the method. You should not respond to your baby's crying unless you suspect they are sick, injured, or in distress. If you need to check on your baby, keep the interaction brief, quiet, and soothing. Do not pick them up, cuddle, rock, or feed them.

Be Consistent:

Consistency is key to the success of the cry-it-out method. Stick to the same bedtime routine every night, and follow through with the method for at least a few nights to give it a chance to work. It may take a few days or even a week for your baby to adjust and learn to self-soothe.

Expect Relapses:

Even after your baby has mastered the art of falling asleep independently, there may be occasional relapses. For example, when your child is sick, travelling, or going through a sleep regression, they may temporarily struggle with sleeping independently again.

It is important to note that the cry-it-out method is not for everyone. Some parents may find it too stressful or difficult to implement. If you are uncomfortable with this method, there are alternative sleep training approaches, such as the Ferber method or gentle sleep training techniques, that you can explore. Additionally, if your baby is not responding well to the cry-it-out method after a week or so, consider consulting your paediatrician for further guidance or exploring other sleep training options.

Sleep training techniques

Sleep training is a way to teach your baby to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own without help from their parent or caregiver. There are several sleep training methods that parents can use, developed by pediatricians and sleep experts. While some methods may be more suitable for certain families, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and it's important to find what works best for your child. Here are some of the most common sleep training techniques:

Cry-It-Out (CIO) Method

The Cry-It-Out sleep training method, also known as "extinction" or "full extinction", involves putting your baby to bed and letting them cry until they fall asleep without any comfort or help from you. This method can be difficult for parents as it involves not responding to their baby's cries. However, proponents say that it works and works quickly. The CIO method is often uncomfortable for parents, who worry about their baby's stress levels and the potential for trauma.

Ferber Method

The Ferber Method, also known as "graduated extinction" or "progressive waiting", is similar to the CIO method but more gradual. Parents follow a bedtime routine, cuddle their baby, and leave the room. They then return to the room at gradually increasing intervals to pat their baby and ensure they are calm before leaving again. This method appeals to parents who are uncomfortable with the CIO approach, but it can still be challenging for babies and lead to crying. Studies have found no evidence of long-term negative effects on children's emotions, stress, behaviour, or attachment to their parents.

Check and Console Method

The Check and Console method is a variation of the Ferber method. Parents check on their baby and console them before they start to cry. For example, they may leave the room and enter a minute or two later to tell their baby they love them. Over time, parents gradually increase the intervals between checking on their baby until they fall asleep. This method can take up to a week and requires more involvement from parents.

Fading Method ("Camping Out")

The Fading method, also known as "camping out," encourages parents to stay in their child's room until they fall asleep. This can be done by standing or sitting in a chair next to the crib. Each night, the parent gradually moves further away from their child while still remaining in their sight. This method can be challenging for parents as they can see their baby crying, and it can take up to two weeks for the child to fall asleep independently.

Chair Method

The Chair Method is similar to the Fading Method, but instead of gradually moving further away, parents move the chair they are sitting in farther away from the crib each night until it is out of the room. This method may not work for babies who cannot settle down when their parent is in sight. It can also lead to more tears as babies may be startled and upset when they wake up and their parent is no longer there.

Bedtime Fading Method

The Bedtime Fading Method is used when a baby cries for extended periods before falling asleep. It involves paying attention to the baby's sleep cues, such as eye rubbing, yawning, or fussiness, and putting them to bed when they seem tired. If the baby cries a lot, take them out of the crib for a set amount of time and then try again. Over several nights, gradually move bedtime earlier in 15-minute increments until you reach your desired bedtime.

Pick-Up, Put-Down Method

The Pick-Up, Put-Down Method is a gentle sleep training technique. Parents put their baby down for bed, and if they start to fuss, they wait a few minutes to see if they settle down. If not, they pick them up, soothe them, and then put them back down before they fall asleep in their arms. This process is repeated until the baby falls asleep. This method requires a lot of patience and dedication and can take a long time.

No Tears/Gentle Sleep Training Method

The No Tears or Gentle Sleep Training Method focuses on helping your baby learn to sleep on their own without any crying. This method relies heavily on a consistent bedtime routine, following the same set of activities in the same order each night. Parents can use variations of the Ferber or Fading methods, but the trick is to lay the baby down before they fall asleep so they learn to feel confident and comfortable falling asleep on their own. This method takes longer, and parents may experience more sleep deprivation during the process.

It is important to note that sleep training does not have to involve crying. While some methods may be more challenging for parents or babies, others are gentler and focus on comfort and consistency. The key to successful sleep training is finding the approach that works best for your family and staying consistent.

When to sleep train

Sleep training is a way of teaching your baby to fall asleep and sleep through the night independently. It is recommended that parents begin sleep training when their babies are between 4 and 6 months old. This is because, by this age, babies are old enough to physically make it through the night without needing to eat, but they are not so old that they have become accustomed to being rocked to sleep.

However, sleep training can begin as early as 4 months and as late as 9 months. Indeed, some sources suggest that 6 months is the ideal time to start sleep training, as babies of this age no longer need to eat during the night.

There is no "perfect" age for sleep training, and it can be appropriate from 5 months until your child is 5 years old. The best time to sleep train is when you decide it is right for your family.

If you are considering sleep training your baby, it is recommended that you check with your child's pediatrician if you have any concerns about their health.

Sleep training and parent-child relationships

Sleep training is a method for teaching children to sleep well by themselves. Sleep training can start anywhere from three months to a year. However, it is recommended to get the go-ahead from a pediatrician to ensure the baby is getting enough calories during the day.

There are two basic sleep training methods: "cry it out" (CIO) and "no cry". CIO involves letting the child cry for gradually longer periods until they fall asleep. The "no cry" method involves parents staying in the room but moving further from the crib each night, or comforting the baby and then immediately putting them down.

Some parents swear by sleep training, saying it is the only way they and their babies get any sleep. Others say that letting a baby cry is harmful.

The Science of Sleep Training

According to psychologist Jodi Mindell, sleep training has gotten a bad rap because it is often equated with the "cry it out" method. In reality, the term "sleep training" refers to a spectrum of approaches, including much gentler methods.

There is no scientific data showing that checking on a baby at specific intervals is more effective than checking more or less often. Instead, parents should focus on finding the magic moment when the child can fall asleep independently.

Parent-Child Relationships

Some opponents of CIO cite studies showing that it causes long-term damage to the child. Proponents of the method counter these studies with anecdotes of loving, attached children who sleep beautifully.

One potential con of CIO methods is that they can cause distress in parents, which may lead them to overindulge the child the next day to make up for their guilt.

In conclusion, while sleep training can be an effective way to teach children to sleep independently, it is important for parents to consider the potential impacts on their relationship with their child and choose the method that feels most comfortable for them.

Frequently asked questions