Gina Johnson
Sleep training is a highly debated topic among parents, with some advocating for it and others expressing their disagreement. While sleep training methods vary, they generally aim to establish good sleep habits in children and help them self-soothe. However, some parents, like actress Mayim Bialik, choose not to sleep train their children, especially in the first year of life and during breastfeeding. They argue that night waking is normal and biologically healthy, ensuring appropriate bonding, breastmilk intake, and hormone replenishment for both the baby and mother. Additionally, they believe that babies don't need schedules and that an upset baby is upsetting for new mothers, going against their natural mammalian wiring. They suggest shifting perspectives, meeting the baby's needs, and creating a sleep-friendly environment instead of sleep training.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Sleep training is exhausting and distressing for parents | Many parents who have sleep trained have commented on how distressing it was to see their child crying and not meet their needs |
| Sleep training is based on a misunderstanding of normal baby sleep | Babies and young children do not sleep like adults and are not meant to |
| Sleep training is based on a misunderstanding of a baby's capabilities | Sleep training assumes that babies think like adults and can rationalise their emotions and calm themselves down |
| Sleep training can have long-term negative consequences | Sleep training can affect a baby's brain development and have negative implications for their emotional regulation skills |
| Sleep training doesn't always work, even in the short term | Sleep training can make a baby's sleep worse and leave parents in a worse position than before they started |
| Sleep training can break a baby's trust in their parents | Not responding to a baby's cries can undermine their trust in their parents |
| Sleep training ignores real problems | Sleep training can miss physical, environmental, and psychological reasons for interrupted sleep |
| Sleep training may cause parents to stop breastfeeding prematurely | Sleep training can have a detrimental effect on breastfeeding and cause it to cease before the mother and baby are ready |
| Sleep training is based on a misunderstanding of the development of independence | You cannot force a child to be independent; the only way to raise an independent child is to allow them to be dependent on their caregiver for as long as they need |
What You'll Learn
Night waking is normal and healthy
It's Normal and Healthy
Night waking is a normal and healthy part of a baby's development. In the first three months of life, it is common and natural for babies to wake up frequently throughout the night, sometimes as often as every hour or two. This is biologically normal and ensures appropriate bonding, adequate breastmilk intake, and the replenishment of hormones in both the baby and mother that strengthen their relationship.
It's Not Manipulation
Babies do not manipulate their parents by waking up at night. They are simply expressing their normal needs. If parents were informed about what is considered normal for babies, they might not feel the need to fight with their baby over their night waking.
It's Protective
Frequent night waking in babies is also protective against Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Encouraging deeper and longer sleep in babies can have negative consequences and is artificial.
It's Not Forever
Babies' sleep patterns will improve naturally over time. Their sleep cycles are much shorter than adults', and they have the potential to wake up to 10-12 times per night. However, this frequent waking can be exhausting for parents and cause sleep deprivation, which is why many parents consider sleep training.
It's Not Deceptive
Babies are not being deceptive when they wake up at night. They are not "used to it" and are genuinely in need of something, whether it's physical touch, food, or comfort.
It's Not Forever
Babies' sleep patterns will improve naturally over time. Their sleep cycles are much shorter than adults', and they have the potential to wake up to 10-12 times per night. However, this frequent waking can be exhausting for parents and cause sleep deprivation, which is why many parents consider sleep training.
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Babies don't follow schedules
Babies do not follow schedules, and they do not need them. They do not have an in-built routine or rhythm, and this is normal.
Babies do not have a concept of night and day for the first four months of their lives. Their circadian rhythms, or body clocks, are underdeveloped. They are not mini-adults, and they do not think like adults.
Babies' sleep cycles are much shorter than adults, and they have the potential to wake up to 10-12 times per night. This is normal and healthy and helps to protect them against SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
Babies also need near-constant responsive touch and movement from their caregivers. This helps them to self-regulate and learn to manage their emotions. It is painful for a baby to be alone, and sleep training methods that involve leaving a baby to "cry it out" can cause distress and undermine the baby's trust in their caregiver.
Babies are not being manipulative when they wake in the night; they are crying because they need something. It is important to respond to a baby's cries and meet their needs. This helps to build a strong, trusting relationship and gives them a secure base from which to explore and develop independence when they are ready.
Instead of imposing a strict sleep schedule, caregivers can work on creating a gentle sleep routine that meets the baby's needs and helps them feel secure. This might include co-sleeping or having a sleeping surface next to the caregiver's bed.
Caregivers can also learn to recognise a baby's sleep window—the magic snippet of time when a baby is primed for sleep. This can help the baby drift off peacefully without becoming over-tired or distressed.
In conclusion, babies do not follow schedules, and they do not need to. Their sleep patterns are normal and healthy and can be supported by responsive, nurturing caregivers.
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Crying it out goes against mammalian nature
As a mother, one of the most disturbing sounds to hear is that of your baby crying. Nature has designed it so that mammal mothers would drop everything to tend to their crying baby. Any sleep training or sleep modification regimen that involves your baby crying and you not tending to it is going against your natural mammalian wiring.
Babies are not deceptive. They don’t have ulterior motives except to feel good and well—and that happens in caregiver arms, next to the caregiver’s body. We know from experiments on animals that when a mammal baby is separated from its mother, growth slows down and systems get dysregulated.
Babies have high needs for maternal touch and responsiveness (as well as breastfeeding). If they are missing these things during the day, they may have more difficulties at night.
Babies and young children do not sleep like adults, and they are not meant to. For a very good reason. Nobody sleeps ‘through the night’, whatever their age. We all sleep in chunks of time called a ‘sleep cycle’. For young babies, this is around 45 minutes long, for an adult, roughly double that. At the end of each sleep cycle, we may rouse a little, but not fully, and start a new cycle, unaware that we are transitioning between two cycles. Sometimes we wake fully and find it a little hard to get back to sleep. It is no different for babies. Only their sleep cycles are much shorter than ours, and they have the potential to wake around 10-12 times per night. This may be exhausting for parents, however, from the baby’s point of view, it is a good thing. This frequent waking keeps them safe and protects them against SIDS/cot death. Encouraging deeper/longer sleep is artificial and can have negative consequences.
Babies are not like dogs. If you mess up early training with a dog, you can often reteach them how to behave. Humans are much more complex, and sensitive periods of development come and go. If you miss providing what a baby needs early on, you may be setting the child’s whole trajectory off-kilter.
Babies should not be “sleep trained” in the usual sense of the term, which means being taught to sleep alone. It is painful for a baby to be alone. Why torture them? Figure out a different way to be with them—babyhood does not last that long. It’d be better to have a sleeping surface next to the caregiver’s bed when the baby is very young and otherwise co-sleep. At least, that is our human heritage.
“Cry it out” means letting a baby cry until they stop—until they give up hope that you will come to relieve their misery. Do you want your child to give up hope in you? That’s not a good beginning to a trusting relationship with you or with their own needs.
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Sleep training can have long-term negative consequences
Sleep training is based on the misunderstanding that babies can self-soothe and that their sleep patterns can be trained to mimic those of adults. This is not the case, and attempting to train them in this way can have long-term negative consequences.
The Impact on Brain Development
Research has shown that babies who are nurtured and have their needs fully met are more likely to develop brains with good emotional regulation skills, better memory, and improved intelligence. In contrast, babies who are sleep-trained are exposed to high levels of stress, which can cause their brains to mature differently.
The Impact on Trust and Emotional Wellbeing
Sleep training can also break a baby's trust in their caregiver. By not responding to their cries, the caregiver is undermining the baby's trust that their needs will be met and can create a sense of anxiety and distress. This can have long-term implications for the child's emotional wellbeing and their ability to form secure attachments.
The Impact of Sleep Training Techniques
The "cry it out" method of sleep training, where babies are left to cry until they stop, can be particularly harmful. This technique teaches babies to give up hope that their needs will be met and can damage the trusting relationship between caregiver and child. It also goes against our natural mammalian instinct to respond to a baby's cries.
The Impact on Breastfeeding
Sleep training can also lead to premature weaning, as it is often based on the misconception that babies do not need night feeds after a certain age. Breastfeeding provides comfort and nutrition, and night weaning before a baby is ready can have a detrimental effect on both the mother and the baby.
The Impact of Distress
Distressing a baby by ignoring their cries and needs can set their development off-kilter. Babies are smart and have built-in expectations that guide their growth in an optimal way. By not responding to their signals and cries, caregivers can interfere with the baby's natural development and wellbeing.
In conclusion, sleep training can have long-term negative consequences on a child's brain development, emotional wellbeing, trust, and overall health. It is important to prioritize a baby's needs and respond to their cries, rather than attempting to train their sleep patterns in a way that goes against their natural biology and instincts.
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Sleep training can break your baby's trust in you
Sleep training is a highly debated topic, with many parents and experts advocating against it. One of the primary concerns is the potential damage it can cause to the bond and trust between a parent and their child. Here are some reasons why sleep training may break your baby's trust:
Crying is a baby's way of communicating
When a baby cries, it is their only means of communication. They cry when they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or in need of comfort and attention. Leaving them to "cry it out" during sleep training can send the message that their cries are futile and that you will not respond to their needs. This can create a sense of insecurity and undermine the trust they have in you as their caregiver.
Sleep training goes against natural instincts
As a parent, hearing your baby cry triggers a strong instinct to respond and provide comfort. Sleep training methods that involve ignoring your baby's cries can be emotionally challenging and go against your natural mammalian wiring as a mother. Pushing down this instinctive urge to respond can be difficult and distressing for both you and your baby.
Sleep training may cause long-term negative consequences
Research suggests that sleep training done under the assumption that babies can be taught to "self-soothe" can have long-term implications on their emotional development. Babies who are nurtured and have their needs promptly met are more likely to develop better emotional regulation skills, memory, and intelligence. On the other hand, sleep-trained babies may experience elevated stress levels and higher cortisol secretion, which can impact their brain development.
Sleep training ignores real problems
Conventional sleep training methods often fail to address underlying physical, environmental, or psychological reasons for a baby's sleep disturbances. These may include issues such as tongue tie, cow's milk protein allergy, lactose intolerance, reflux, disrupted gut flora, cranial compression, birth injuries, sleep apnea, excessive artificial light, room temperature, and more. Sleep training without addressing these issues can create larger problems in the long run.
Sleep training can impact breastfeeding
Many sleep experts claim that babies do not need night feeds after a certain age, but this is inaccurate. Breastfed babies often need night feeds until at least 12 months, and sometimes longer. Night weaning before a baby is ready can negatively impact breastfeeding and cause it to cease prematurely. Additionally, breastfeeding provides comfort and nourishment, similar to an adult having a drink of water during the night.
In conclusion, while sleep training may provide short-term improvements in a baby's sleep patterns, it can potentially damage the trust and bond between parent and child. It is essential to consider the potential long-term effects on your baby's emotional and cognitive development and prioritize meeting their needs over convenience.
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Frequently asked questions
Night waking is biologically normal and healthy for a baby in the first three months of life. It ensures appropriate bonding, appropriate intake of breast milk, and a replenishing of the hormones in both baby and mother that make the baby/mother dyad work.
Babies and young children do not sleep like adults, and they are not meant to. Nobody sleeps ‘through the night’, whatever their age. We all sleep in chunks of time called a ‘sleep cycle’. For young babies, this is around 45 minutes long, for an adult, it's roughly double that. Babies have underdeveloped circadian rhythms, or body clocks.
When we leave a baby to ‘self-soothe’ or ‘self-settle’, we do so under the mistaken assumption that they are regulating their emotions and becoming calmer. Research tells us that babies remain in a high state of anxiety, they just don’t communicate this. They may be quiet, but they are not calm.
