New Parents And Sleep: A Lost Relationship

Sleep deprivation is a common issue for new parents, with newborns requiring feeding every few hours and lacking a circadian rhythm. This can lead to serious health issues for parents, including increased risk of accidents, mood changes, and decreased immune system function. To combat this, new parents are encouraged to nap when their baby naps, ask for help from friends and family, and establish a bedtime routine.

Newborns' sleep patterns

Newborns sleep on and off through the day and night, with no set schedule. They sleep for a total of about 16 hours a day, with 8 to 9 hours during the daytime and 8 hours at night. However, newborn sleep patterns vary, and some babies may sleep for up to 19 hours a day.

Newborns have a small stomach capacity and must wake up every few hours to feed. They will usually wake up every 1 to 3 hours, but this can vary depending on their rate of brain growth and what they are being fed. Most babies don't start sleeping through the night (6 to 8 hours) until at least 3 months of age, or until they weigh 12 to 13 pounds. However, some babies don't sleep through the night until closer to 1 year.

Newborns also have their days and nights confused, thinking they are supposed to be awake at night and sleep during the day. Their sleep cycles are shorter than those of adults, at about 40 minutes, and they spend a higher percentage of their sleep in REM sleep. This means they wake up more frequently and sleep for shorter periods, no more than 3 to 4 hours at a time.

To help your newborn sleep, you can establish a bedtime routine, such as playing soft music or reading a story together. You can also look for signs of sleep readiness, such as a quiet alert phase where the baby is very still but awake and taking in their environment. During this phase, they may stare at objects or respond to sounds and motion.

The impact on mental health

Sleep deprivation can have a significant impact on the mental health of new parents. The effects of fragmented sleep go beyond physical exhaustion and can impair cognitive function, including memory, concentration, and decision-making abilities. This can make it difficult for parents to perform daily tasks effectively and safely, and also impacts productivity at work.

A lack of sleep can also contribute to or exacerbate mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Exhaustion can make it difficult to cope with everyday problems and can lead to issues with concentration and mood, relationship conflicts, and an increased risk of postpartum depression. It can also affect milk production, inhibit bonding, and hinder early childhood development.

Sleep deprivation can cause irritability, making it more challenging to cope with the demands of parenting and straining relationships with partners and children. It can also lead to higher levels of stress, which is associated with difficulty regulating emotions. This may result in less positive parenting in the hour before a child's bedtime.

Additionally, sleep-deprived parents may be at greater risk for longer reaction times, increasing the likelihood of accidents such as motor vehicle crashes. Self-care and prioritizing sleep are crucial for the well-being of new parents and their families.

Sleep training

Cry It Out Method

This method, also known as "extinction" or "CIO", involves putting your baby to bed and letting them cry until they fall asleep without any comfort or help from you. While this may seem harsh, it is generally harder on the parents than on the baby. With consistency, your baby should fall asleep on their own within three to four nights.

Ferber Method

The Ferber method is a type of "graduated extinction" or "check-and-console". It involves allowing your baby to cry for a set period before you check on them. These timed intervals of crying gradually increase in length until your baby falls asleep. Over several nights, you'll increase the length of these intervals, reducing your presence in the baby's room. Eventually, there's no need for these check-ins because your baby has learned to self-soothe.

Chair Method

The chair method may be more suitable for older babies. It involves sitting in a chair next to your baby's crib until they fall asleep, without picking them up. Each night, you move the chair farther away until you're near the door and then out of the room. This method won't work for babies who can't settle down unless you're out of sight. It may also lead to more tears if your baby wakes up and you're no longer there.

Bedtime Fading Method

If your baby cries for extended periods before falling asleep, their body might not be ready for sleep at your desired bedtime. The bedtime fading method can help modify their circadian rhythm to adjust their bedtime. Pay attention to your baby's sleep cues, such as eye rubbing, yawning, or fussiness. Once they seem tired, put them to bed. If they cry a lot, take them out of the crib for a set amount of time and then try again. Gradually move bedtime earlier in 15-minute increments until you reach your desired bedtime.

Pick-Up, Put-Down Method

This technique involves going through your baby's normal bedtime routine and putting them to bed when they're drowsy but awake. If they cry, wait a few minutes to see if they settle down. If not, go in and soothe them, then put them back to bed. Repeat this process until your baby falls asleep. This method requires a lot of patience and can take a long time.

It's important to note that sleep training doesn't have to involve a lot of crying. You can adjust the methods to your comfort level and your baby's needs. Additionally, sleep training doesn't have to start until your baby is 4 to 6 months old, when they're old enough to sleep for longer stretches without needing to eat.

The importance of self-care

Sleep is essential for everyone, but especially for new parents who are adjusting to life with a baby. New parents often experience sleep deprivation, which can have serious health consequences if left unchecked. Prioritising self-care and getting enough sleep is crucial for new parents' well-being and can help minimise the risk of developing mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Here are some reasons why self-care is important for new parents:

Physical Health

Sleep deprivation can weaken the immune system, making parents more susceptible to illnesses such as colds and flu. It can also increase the risk of accidents and injuries, both at home and on the road. Research has shown that sleep-deprived parents drive as poorly as people with blood alcohol levels that exceed the legal limit. Therefore, it is crucial for new parents to prioritise their sleep to maintain their physical health and safety.

Mental Health

Exhaustion can negatively impact mental health, contributing to anxiety, depression, irritability, and mood swings. It can make it difficult to cope with everyday problems, affect concentration, and lead to relationship conflicts. Sleep deprivation is also a risk factor for developing postpartum depression, which affects a significant number of new mothers. Prioritising self-care and getting enough sleep can help mitigate these risks and improve overall mental well-being.

Parenting

Sleep-deprived parents may experience higher levels of stress, which can make it challenging to regulate emotions and engage in positive parenting. Getting enough rest can improve mood, increase patience, and enhance the overall parenting experience. Well-rested parents are more likely to be responsive and warm towards their child, creating a more positive environment for the baby's development.

Overall Well-being

Self-care is important for new parents' overall well-being and can help them feel more like themselves. Engaging in hobbies, socialising, and maintaining a healthy diet and exercise routine can all contribute to improved well-being. Additionally, getting enough sleep can improve productivity and energy levels, making it easier to care for a newborn.

Strategies for Self-Care

New parents can prioritise self-care by napping when the baby naps, asking for help from friends and family, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and establishing a \"sleep contract\" with their partner to ensure both get adequate rest. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, such as eating nutritious meals and staying hydrated, can also contribute to overall well-being.

Asking for help

Sleep is essential for everyone, but especially for new parents who are juggling the needs of a baby and adjusting to new parenthood. It can be a cruel irony that when babies are at their most vulnerable, their parents are the most impaired due to lack of sleep.

New parents are often severely sleep-deprived, and this can lead to serious health issues if left unchecked. So, what can new parents do to get the help they need?

Firstly, it's important to understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. There is no badge of honour for powering through sleepless nights alone. In fact, asking for and accepting help is critical to your wellbeing and that of your baby. Whenever possible, accept offers of assistance from family and friends, and don't be afraid to ask for help if no one offers. Whether it's with cooking, cleaning, caring for the baby, or household tasks, having a support network can make a huge difference.

If you have a partner, it's important to share the load. Create a functional and consistent schedule for when the baby is awake, and divide responsibilities evenly. You could also consider having “on” and “off” nights, where one person takes the lead on baby duties while the other gets a full night's rest. Alternatively, you could split the night into shifts, ensuring that at least one of you gets a good night's sleep.

If you are breastfeeding, try pumping breast milk so that your partner or another caregiver can take over at least one nighttime feeding. This will allow you to get some much-needed uninterrupted sleep.

If you have friends or family visiting, don't be afraid to ask them to hold the baby while you nap. As Sara Gilbertson, a certified nurse midwife, points out, "Visitors aren’t coming to see us, they’re coming to see the baby... It’s completely appropriate to say, 'do you mind cuddling the baby so I can lay down?'"

Finally, if you are struggling with your mental health, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common, and there is support available from healthcare providers, support groups, and hotlines.

Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. By prioritising your own sleep and wellbeing, you will have the energy to care for your new baby and navigate the challenges of new parenthood.

Frequently asked questions