Toddler Sleep Struggles: Why They Happen And How To Help

There are many reasons why toddlers may resist sleep. They may be experiencing separation anxiety, fear of the dark, or nightmares. They may also be going through big changes, such as getting a new sibling, starting preschool, or moving from a crib to a bed. Toddlers may also be too excited to sleep, or their bedtime routine may not be relaxing enough. Additionally, they may be getting too much screen time before bed, or their bedroom might be too bright, noisy, or uncomfortable.

Overstimulation

Signs of Overstimulation in Toddlers

Toddlers who are overstimulated might:

• Seem tired, irritable, and upset, or have a tantrum
• Cry and not be able to use words to describe their feelings
• Throw themselves on the floor in tears or anger
• Say they don't want to keep doing what they're doing
• Refuse to do simple things like putting on a seatbelt
• Become angry or irritable with touching or holding
• Become unreasonably cranky and irritable
• Cry and become unable to use words to describe their feelings
• Refuse to be consoled
• Throw a temper tantrum

How to Prevent Overstimulation in Toddlers

To prevent overstimulation in toddlers, it is important to:

• Alternate play with periods of quiet time during the day
• Establish a regular naptime with a consistent routine
• Avoid active play before bedtime
• Get them changed into their pyjamas before leaving for home so you can put them straight to bed when you arrive
• Get your toddler to bed as soon as you spot the first signs of sleepiness
• Maintain routine as much as possible
• Maintain sleep as much as possible
• Maintain meals
• Have breaks between days of disruption

How to Help an Overstimulated Toddler

If your toddler is overstimulated, you can:

• Stay calm yourself, which will help your child to calm down
• Reduce the noise and activity around your child
• Help your child to put their feelings into words
• Sit quietly with your child and do a calming activity, such as reading a story, lying down with them, singing quiet songs, or stroking their back
• Give them time to play by themselves once they are calm
• Change their environment to somewhere quieter and darker
• Swaddle your baby
• Soothe them with white noise
• Hold your baby, but be prepared to give them space

Fear

Why Don't Toddlers Sleep? – Fear

Sources of Fear

Toddlers may fear the dark as their imaginations can turn ordinary shadows and sounds into scary monsters. They may also fear:

• Monsters under the bed or in the closet
• Being alone or separated from their parents at bedtime
• Changes in their environment, such as moving to a new house or the arrival of a new sibling
• Scary images or characters from books, TV shows, or movies

How to Help Toddlers Overcome Fear at Bedtime

It is important to understand and acknowledge your toddler's fears without dismissing or teasing them. Reassure your child that they are safe and that you are nearby if they need anything. Here are some strategies to help your toddler feel more secure at bedtime:

• Use a night light or leave the door slightly open to provide a dim light
• Give them a security object, such as a favourite stuffed animal or blanket
• Establish a calming bedtime routine, such as a warm bath, reading a story, or singing a song
• Avoid scary television shows, movies, or books before bed
• Spend time in the dark together to make it fun, such as reading with a flashlight or making shadow puppets
• Teach your child how to manage their fears, such as through relaxation or breathing exercises
• Be consistent with how you handle your toddler's nighttime fears and stick to your sleep plans

Separation anxiety

Signs of Separation Anxiety

• Refusal to sleep alone or only sleeping when a parent is nearby
• Waking frequently at night and crying for a parent
• Crying and tantrums when a parent leaves the room or goes to work
• Clinging to a parent, especially in new situations or around others
• A strong preference for a particular caregiver over others
• Longer, more frequent naps during the day due to a lack of proper sleep
• Stomach aches and muscle aches
• Temper tantrums whenever a parent or caregiver leaves

Causes of Separation Anxiety in Toddlers

• Starting at a daycare or preschool
• Arrival of a sibling
• Loss of a parent or caregiver
• Moving to a new home
• Feeling unwell due to teething, a cold, or an ear infection
• Caregivers who are stressed, tired, frustrated, or emotional, as children pick up on emotional cues and emulate them

How to Help Your Toddler With Separation Anxiety

• Keep goodbyes brief and always give advance warning that another caregiver will be arriving or that you will be dropping them off
• Develop a ritual for leaving, such as a brief hug and a simple phrase like "I will be back to get you after work. I love you."
• Ask your sitter, daycare teacher, or other caregiver to have an activity ready as soon as you hand your toddler over, to take their mind off the fact that you're leaving
• Be sure to acknowledge your toddler's separation anxiety and validate their feelings
• Pay attention to your child at large gatherings and wait until they take an interest in others before giving them space
• Create a soothing bedtime routine, such as a bath followed by a favourite storybook or songs
• Give your child independence after a nap by letting them experience what it feels like to be by themselves
• Bring a meaningful item for the child to hold whenever they're away from you, such as a soft toy or a shirt or scarf that smells like you
• Watch developmentally appropriate TV shows that cover separation anxiety, as children are often visual learners
• Read picture books about separation anxiety, such as The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
• Be intentional about one-on-one time, even if it's only 10-15 minutes
• Practice planned separation by playing separation games like peek-a-boo or hide-and-seek
• Prepare your child for time apart by talking to them about what they can expect while you're away
• Don't sneak away when leaving your child with another caregiver; instead, verbally announce that you are leaving and incorporate a brief goodbye ritual that you do every time you go
• Stay calm, as your child will mirror your confidence
• Avoid being rushed when getting your child ready for school or daycare, as this can make a transition or separation more difficult

How to Handle Separation Anxiety in Toddlers at Night

• Maintain a regular, positive bedtime routine and avoid making your child's room a punishment spot
• Play with your child in their bedroom during the day so that it becomes a safe and fun place
• Set a timer and play calmly with your child in their room before bedtime, then clean up, read a story, snuggle, and say goodnight
• Watch your stress levels and take a break if you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or emotional
• Don't sneak away after your child falls asleep; instead, let them know you are leaving and that you'll be there for them when necessary
• Comfort your child if they need it, but don't drag it out with activities like singing or playing
• Practise being separated even when you are together, by giving your child a chance to play independently or with other trusted caregivers
• Acknowledge your child's feelings and teach them that it's okay to feel how they feel
• Soothe them with a snuggly blanket or lovey toy, and tell them that when they hug and kiss it, you feel it too
• Teach your child coping and calming techniques, such as taking deep breaths to calm their nerves

Lack of routine

A lack of routine can be a major factor in toddlers' sleep difficulties. A consistent bedtime routine is key to good sleep habits in young children. This includes a set bedtime, a relaxing pre-bedtime wind-down period, and a predictable schedule. Toddlers who don't follow a consistent routine may struggle to settle down and fall asleep.

A nightly bedtime routine is associated with improved sleep in toddlers. The more consistent and predictable the routine, the better the results. This routine should include activities such as changing into pyjamas, brushing teeth, and reading a book. It is also important to keep the same order of activities every night so the child knows what to expect.

A relaxing wind-down period before bedtime is crucial. This can include soft music, reading a book, or a warm bath. Keeping the lights dim during this time is recommended, as well as limiting screen time at least an hour before bed. Blue light from screens can lower melatonin levels, making it harder for toddlers to fall asleep.

Sticking to a predictable schedule is essential. This means waking up at the same time every morning and going to sleep at the same time each evening. This helps regulate toddlers' sleep hormone, melatonin, ensuring they feel sleepy at the right time.

A consistent sleep schedule also helps toddlers learn to fall asleep on their own. Putting toddlers to bed when they are already asleep can hinder their ability to self-soothe. It is best to put them to bed when they are sleepy but still awake.

Additionally, maintaining a napping schedule is important. Toddlers still need naps, and late afternoon naps or long naps can interfere with nighttime sleep. An early afternoon nap is recommended to limit interference with nighttime sleep.

In summary, a lack of routine can disrupt toddlers' sleep. A consistent bedtime routine, including a wind-down period, a predictable schedule, and proper napping habits, is key to helping toddlers fall asleep and get the rest they need.

Screen time

The blue light emitted by screens is a major contributing factor. It suppresses the production of melatonin, the hormone that induces sleepiness. As a result, toddlers may experience increased alertness and stimulation before bedtime, making it more difficult for them to fall asleep. The impact of blue light is even greater for young children due to their larger pupils and clearer lenses, which make their eyes more sensitive to light.

In addition to the physiological effects of blue light, the content consumed on screens can also affect sleep. Violent or scary media can cause fear and anxiety, leading to nightmares and disrupted sleep. Additionally, the fast-paced and vivid imagery, along with loud noises, can overstimulate young minds, making it challenging for them to calm down before sleep.

To mitigate the negative impact of screen time on sleep, it is recommended to enforce a "no screens before bedtime" rule. Creating a buffer of at least one hour before bedtime, ideally two, allows melatonin to work effectively and prepares the body for sleep. During this screen-free time, engaging in quiet activities such as reading, listening to music, or practicing mindfulness can help toddlers unwind and relax.

It is also important to keep screens out of the bedroom. The mere presence of devices in the bedroom has been associated with shorter sleep times. Establishing consistent bedtime routines and healthy sleep habits early on can improve sleep quality and duration.

By understanding the impact of screen time on sleep and implementing boundaries, parents can promote healthier sleep patterns and overall well-being for their toddlers.

Frequently asked questions