Herbie Murray
Toddlers often struggle to sleep without their parents, and this can be due to a variety of reasons. Firstly, toddlers may simply not be tired enough if they are napping too much during the day. Additionally, toddlers may resist bedtime because they miss their parents and don't want to be separated from them. They may also wonder what goes on after they fall asleep, leading to a fear of missing out. Furthermore, the thrill of running, climbing, touching, and learning can make it difficult for toddlers to wind down and fall asleep. Establishing good sleep habits and setting limits can help toddlers fall asleep independently, but it may not happen overnight. Some parents choose to co-sleep or bed-share with their toddlers, which can provide comfort and closeness for both the parent and the child. Ultimately, each family needs to decide what works best for them.
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What You'll Learn
Sleep regression
During sleep regression, toddlers may exhibit behaviours such as stalling, power struggles, or playing instead of sleeping. They may also become more emotionally attached to their parents or caregivers, leading to separation anxiety and distress at bedtime. This often peaks around 14 to 18 months and tends to improve with age. Additionally, toddlers may develop nighttime fears, which can contribute to their sleep disturbances.
To manage sleep regression, it is essential to establish consistent bedtime routines and environments that signal to toddlers that it is sleep time. Maintaining a regular schedule, limiting screen time, and incorporating activities like reading books or singing songs can help prevent and reduce settling difficulties. It is also important to be responsive to the child's needs, providing comfort when they are distressed.
Patience is crucial when dealing with sleep regression, as it may take time for toddlers to learn to fall asleep independently. In some cases, seeking professional help from a toddler sleep consultant or a pediatrician may be beneficial to identify any underlying issues and develop strategies to improve sleep habits.
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Mastering new skills
Toddlers are going through a ton of transitions, from new siblings and mastering new motor skills to dropping naps. They are also testing boundaries and exploring their world, which can interfere with their sleep. For example, they might decide to continuously remove their diaper at bedtime, refuse to get their pyjamas on, or throw all of their belongings out of the crib.
Mastering new motor skills and developmental milestones often cause temporary issues with sleep. Toilet training is no different. During potty training, it’s common for toddlers to repeatedly request to use the potty both during and after the bedtime routine, resulting in a late bedtime and an overtired child.
Toddlers also need to learn the skill of putting themselves to sleep and back to sleep without you. They need to experience falling asleep alone and develop the impulse control to stay in bed.
Strategies to help your toddler master the skill of falling asleep alone:
- Be consistent with how you respond when your child wakes up during the night. Make sure that your response is brief and boring so that you don't "reward" the wake-ups, which can encourage more of them.
- If your child is struggling with nightmares or night terrors, or you notice other symptoms such as snoring or difficulty breathing, it might be helpful to seek medical advice from your pediatrician to rule out any underlying issues.
- Create a bedtime routine. Start helping your child relax about 30 minutes before lights out. During this winding-down time, dim the lights, play soothing music, and give your child a warm bath.
- Switch off screens in the hours before bed. Screen time in the 2 hours before bed may lower the level of melatonin (sleep hormone) in the body.
- After changing into PJs and brushing teeth, read a favourite book, tell a story, or sing a song.
- If your toddler is struggling to fall asleep without you in the room, you could try gating the door. This can help keep them safe and give them a sense of independence while still allowing you to check in on them.
- You can also consider introducing a new special stuffed animal friend to help keep your child feeling safe at bedtime.
- When your toddler does a good job at bedtime or through the night, be sure to let them know what a great job they did with specific praise. This will encourage more of the behaviour you want to see.
- These accomplishments can be paired with small prizes for extra encouragement. For example, a toddler who stays quietly in bed all night may earn a sticker or a special time or activity with a parent.
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Screen time
Research has found that toddlers and preschoolers who logged more daily screen time generally got less sleep, took longer to fall asleep, and tended to go to bed later. A study focusing on 13-month-olds found that every minute of daytime touchscreen use resulted in one minute of lost nighttime sleep. Another study found that 3-month-olds who were exposed to screens during the day slept less during the day, slept longer at night, and woke up less frequently in the middle of the night.
The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages media use by children younger than 2 and recommends limiting older children's screen time to no more than one or two hours a day. They also recommend avoiding screen time one hour before bed and keeping devices out of the bedroom. This is because the light from screens can suppress melatonin production and affect sleep quality.
To improve your toddler's sleep, you can try making evening screen time a family activity, choosing relaxing or funny programs to watch together, and ending at least an hour before bedtime. It's also important to establish a consistent bedtime routine and keep devices out of your toddler's bedroom.
In addition to impacting sleep, excessive screen time can contribute to behavior issues, including tantrums, trouble paying attention, and impulsivity. It can also increase the risk of childhood obesity and be associated with other physical and mental health problems. Therefore, it's important to set healthy boundaries around screen time and encourage physical activity, a balanced diet, and time spent outdoors.
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Lack of impulse control
It is common for toddlers to struggle with falling asleep without the presence of a parent in the room. This can be attributed to various factors, one of which is the lack of impulse control that is typical at this age.
Understanding Impulse Control in Toddlers
Toddlers are curious and adventurous by nature, constantly exploring their surroundings and testing boundaries. This exploration can sometimes interfere with their sleep habits. They may decide to remove their pyjamas or throw their belongings out of the crib, disrupting their bedtime routine and delaying sleep. Impulse control, or the ability to resist immediate impulses and control their actions, is a skill that toddlers are still developing. This means they may not yet have the self-regulation to stay in bed when they wake up during the night. They might get out of bed and wander around, or even climb out of their crib, as they haven't yet developed the cognitive ability to understand that they need to stay in bed.
The Role of Sleep Maturity
Sleep maturity plays a crucial role in a toddler's ability to fall asleep independently. Just as toddlers learn to walk and chew instinctually, they also need to develop sleep maturity. Most healthy babies are developmentally able to fall and stay asleep independently by five months old. However, toddlers who haven't fully developed this skill may require more time and practice. They need to experience falling asleep alone and build their confidence in doing so. This process can be challenging and often takes dedication and consistency from parents.
Strategies for Improving Sleep Habits
To help your toddler develop better sleep habits and improve their impulse control, consider the following strategies:
- Consistency: Establish a consistent bedtime routine to help your toddler understand the expectations around sleep. This can include a warm bath, reading a book, telling a story, or singing a song.
- Wind-Down Time: Create a relaxing environment 30 minutes before bedtime by dimming the lights and playing soothing music. Encourage your toddler to wind down and prepare for sleep.
- Limit Screen Time: Reduce screen time, especially in the two hours before bedtime. Screens can lower melatonin levels, making it harder for your toddler to fall asleep.
- Positive Reinforcement: Use specific praise and small prizes to encourage good sleep habits. For example, you can say, "I love how you changed into your pyjamas so quickly!" or offer stickers for staying quietly in bed.
- Safety Measures: If your toddler has started climbing out of their crib, consider transitioning to a toddler bed with a gate. This provides a sense of independence while ensuring safety and helping with impulse control.
- Patience and Consistency: Remember that teaching your toddler to sleep independently takes time and patience. Be consistent in your responses when they wake up during the night, keeping them brief and boring to avoid rewarding wakefulness.
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Sleep consultants
There are several reasons why toddlers may be unable to sleep without their parents. Firstly, they may lack a regular and healthy bedtime routine. A proper bedtime routine is essential in preparing toddlers for sleep. This includes limiting screen time, as the blue light emitted by electronic devices can suppress the sleep hormone melatonin by up to 99%. Instead, parents should encourage their toddlers to spend time outdoors during the day, as natural light helps regulate melatonin and ensure that toddlers feel sleepy at bedtime. In the hours before bedtime, parents can help toddlers wind down by dimming the lights, playing soothing music, and giving them a warm bath. After changing into pajamas and brushing their teeth, toddlers can relax further by reading a book, listening to a story, or singing a song.
Another reason for toddlers' sleep issues could be separation anxiety. Toddlers may fear the dark or experience nightmares, which can make them fearful of sleeping alone. A night light can help ease these fears, providing comfort and stimulation. It is recommended to leave the bedroom door ajar, as few toddlers want to sleep with the door shut. Additionally, parents should ensure that their toddlers are getting enough physical activity during the day. Toddlers need at least three hours of running-around play to burn energy and feel tired at bedtime. However, it is important to find the right balance, as too much physical activity can lead to overtiredness, making it difficult for toddlers to fall asleep.
To help toddlers sleep independently, sleep consultants can suggest a gradual approach. This may involve sitting with the toddler until they fall asleep and then gradually moving towards the door over several nights. This strategy, known as "camping out," can take one to three weeks but can help toddlers adjust to sleeping alone. Another technique is "bedtime fading," which involves letting toddlers stay up until they feel naturally tired and gradually adjusting their bedtime to an earlier hour.
By understanding the reasons behind toddlers' sleep issues and implementing consistent bedtime routines and gradual independence strategies, sleep consultants can guide parents in helping their toddlers develop healthy sleep habits and achieve peaceful nights.
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Frequently asked questions
Toddlers are going through many transitions, such as new siblings, developing new skills, and dropping naps. They are also testing boundaries and exploring their world, which can interfere with their sleep. They may also not have the impulse control to stay in bed when they wake up.
It is important to be consistent with your response when your toddler wakes up during the night. Make sure your response is brief and boring so as not to reward the wake-ups. You can also try creating a bedtime routine, such as dimming the lights, playing soothing music, giving your toddler a warm bath, and reading a book or singing a song.
Some toddlers feel safer with night lights in their room or if their door is left open. You can also introduce a new stuffed animal to help them feel secure. Rewarding your toddler with specific praise or small prizes when they do a good job at bedtime can also encourage positive sleep behaviours.
If your toddler's sleep disturbances are causing significant disruption to your family's daily life and your mental health, you may want to consider hiring a toddler sleep consultant or seeking advice from a pediatrician. If your toddler is consistently getting less sleep than recommended, you may also want to contact your pediatrician.
