
Sleeping with the enemy is a phrase that is often used to advise against maintaining a friendly relationship with an adversary or someone on an opposing side. It is a common expression that can be traced back to wartime soldiers in foreign lands who raid the homes of women whose men are away fighting. The phrase has evolved to mean engaging in a necessary or mutually beneficial partnership with a rival. In a personal context, it could mean working with someone you dislike to accomplish something, whereas in a business context, it could refer to working cooperatively with a business rival. The phrase has also been used in popular culture, such as in the 1991 film Sleeping with the Enemy, starring Julia Roberts, where her character is in an abusive relationship and has to escape her husband.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Context | Personal, Business, Wartime |
| Meaning | Working with someone you dislike, Maintaining a friendly relationship with an adversary, Engaging in a necessary or mutually beneficial partnership with a rival, Staying in a toxic or abusive relationship |
| Interpretation | Cooperation and competition ("co-opetition") |
| Example | Wartime soldiers raiding the homes of women whose men are out fighting |
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What You'll Learn
- The phrase is a piece of advice against maintaining friendly relationships with adversaries
- It can be used to describe a toxic or abusive relationship with no way out
- It may refer to working with someone you dislike to achieve something
- In business, it can mean cooperating with a rival
- It may have originated from wartime soldiers raiding homes of women whose men were away fighting

The phrase is a piece of advice against maintaining friendly relationships with adversaries
The idiom "sleeping with the enemy" is a phrase of advice against maintaining friendly relationships with adversaries. It is a fairly common expression, often heard in the United States, and is used in both personal and business contexts.
In a personal context, it could mean having to work with someone you dislike to achieve a common goal. For example, planning a mutual friend's birthday party with someone you don't get along with, or working with a neighbour to bring about positive changes in your neighbourhood.
In a business context, it could refer to working with a business rival on a joint project, while also trying to find their weaknesses and ways to outdo them. This situation can be very stressful as hostilities are often not well hidden.
The phrase is also used to describe staying in a toxic or abusive relationship with no clear way out. Leaving the relationship might trigger aggressive behaviour from the other partner, so the person stays, despite there being no hope for reconciliation.
The origin of the phrase is speculated to be from wartime, referring to enemy soldiers occupying lands where the women have stayed behind while the men are fighting.
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It can be used to describe a toxic or abusive relationship with no way out
The phrase "sleeping with the enemy" carries a connotation of being trapped in a toxic or abusive relationship, unable to break free. It implies a sense of powerlessness and entrapment, where one feels they have no choice but to endure the pain and suffering inflicted by their partner. This phrase is often used to describe situations where a person feels they cannot leave the relationship, despite it being harmful and destructive. There can be various reasons why someone might feel trapped, such as financial dependence, fear of retaliation or violence, concerns about child custody, or even a sense of duty or obligation to make the relationship work.
In such scenarios, the relationship dynamic is often characterized by manipulation, control, and emotional or physical abuse. The abuser may exert power over their partner through various means, such as isolating them from friends and family, controlling their finances or movements, or using emotional manipulation to maintain power. The victim may feel a sense of walking on eggshells, constantly trying to please their partner to avoid conflict or further abuse. They may also experience gaslighting, where their perceptions and emotions are invalidated, causing them to question their own reality and sense of self-worth.
Over time, the victim may internalize the abuser's criticisms and begin to blame themselves for the issues in the relationship. They may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their situation and believe that they deserve the treatment they are receiving. This can lead to a cycle of self-blame and low self-esteem, making it even harder for them to recognize the abuse and gather the strength to leave. The victim might also fear that leaving will provoke an even more hostile reaction from their partner, potentially escalating the abuse or leading to stalking or harassment.
The phrase "sleeping with the enemy" captures the internal conflict and turmoil experienced by someone in this situation. It conveys the sense of being in a constant state of wariness and tension, never truly at peace or safe, even in the most intimate and vulnerable moments with their partner. This expression serves as a stark reminder that relationships should be built on trust, mutual respect, and support, and that anyone feeling trapped in a toxic or abusive dynamic deserves support and a way out.
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It may refer to working with someone you dislike to achieve something
"Sleeping with the enemy" is a phrase that is often used to advise against maintaining friendly relations with an adversary or someone on the opposing side. This phrase is commonly used in the United States and has its origins in wartime scenarios.
In the context of your query, "sleeping with the enemy" can refer to working with someone you dislike or even detest to achieve something. This could be a personal situation, such as collaborating with a neighbour or acquaintance you dislike to organize an event or bring about important changes. For example, you might have a mutual friend with someone you don't get along with, but you both have to work together to plan a birthday party for your friend.
In a business context, "sleeping with the enemy" can describe a situation where two rival companies or individuals work together on a joint project. This collaboration might involve secretly looking for weaknesses and ways to outdo the other party, creating a stressful environment. Alternatively, business rivals may appear to get along well and enthusiastically embrace the partnership.
The term "co-opetition" blends the concepts of cooperation and competition and is often used to describe scenarios where rival companies engage in "sleeping with the enemy". This involves a delicate balance between competing and cooperating with the same entity.
In some cases, "sleeping with the enemy" can also refer to staying in a toxic or abusive relationship, where leaving might trigger aggressive behaviour from the other party, making it challenging to find a clear way out.
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In business, it can mean cooperating with a rival
The idiom "sleeping with the enemy" is generally used to advise against maintaining a friendly relationship with an adversary or someone on an opposing side. In a business context, this could mean cooperating with a rival company.
For instance, two rival companies may decide to work together on a joint project. While they may seem enthusiastic about the collaboration, they could secretly be looking for weaknesses and ways to outdo each other. This situation can be very stressful, as hostilities may not always be well hidden.
On the other hand, rival businesses may genuinely get along well and cooperate effectively. In such cases, the collaboration could lead to innovative solutions and mutual benefits.
The term "co-opetition" blends the words "cooperation" and "competition" and is often used to describe scenarios where rival companies are "sleeping with the enemy". This concept has become increasingly common in the business world, as companies recognize the potential advantages of collaborating with competitors.
Overall, the phrase "sleeping with the enemy" in a business context highlights the complex dynamics that can arise when rivals cooperate. It suggests navigating a delicate balance between competition and collaboration, requiring careful strategy and discretion.
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It may have originated from wartime soldiers raiding homes of women whose men were away fighting
The phrase "sleeping with the enemy" is a piece of advice that warns against maintaining friendly relations with an adversary or someone on the opposing side. The phrase is believed to have originated from wartime soldiers raiding the homes of women whose husbands were away fighting. This interpretation is speculative, but it reflects the core meaning of the phrase, which is to avoid any form of cooperation or alliance with a rival or enemy.
In a broader sense, "sleeping with the enemy" can be applied to various contexts, conveying different nuances. In personal situations, it could refer to collaborating with someone you dislike to achieve a common goal, such as organizing a mutual friend's birthday party or making positive changes in your neighborhood. It can be challenging, as hostilities may be difficult to conceal.
In the business world, "sleeping with the enemy" takes on a similar tone, indicating a cooperative endeavor with a business rival. This dynamic often involves a subtle competition, with each party seeking to identify weaknesses and opportunities to gain an edge over the other.
On a deeper level, the phrase can also describe a toxic or abusive relationship from which one finds it difficult to break free. Staying in such a relationship may be driven by the fear of triggering aggressive behavior from the other partner, even though reconciliation seems impossible.
The expression "sleeping with the enemy" has evolved to encompass a range of situations where individuals find themselves in close proximity or collaboration with rivals or adversaries. Whether in personal, professional, or romantic contexts, the phrase captures the delicate balance between cooperation and competition, trust and distrust.
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Frequently asked questions
This phrase is used to advise against maintaining a friendly relationship with an adversary or someone on an opposing side.
The exact origin of the phrase is unknown, but it is speculated to derive from wartime soldiers in foreign lands raiding homes where the women have stayed behind while the men are fighting.
In a personal context, "sleeping with the enemy" could mean working with someone you dislike to organize or accomplish something important, such as planning a mutual friend's birthday party.
In a business context, "sleeping with the enemy" refers to working cooperatively with a business rival, which can be stressful due to underlying hostilities.
"Sleeping with the enemy" can also refer to staying in a toxic or abusive relationship, where leaving might trigger the other partner's aggressive behavior.

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