Herbie Murray
Sharing a bed with a romantic partner can be one of the most intimate things a couple can do. It can also be one of the most disruptive, especially if your sleep styles don't sync. However, there are many proven benefits of sleeping next to your significant other. Research has shown that couples who sleep side-by-side have increased and less disrupted rapid-eye movement (REM) sleep. This stage of sleep is good for memory organisation, emotion regulation, creative problem-solving, and social interactions. Sleeping next to your partner can also make you feel safe and secure, which can help you relax and fall asleep faster. However, if you or your partner is a loud snorer, a heavy blanket or separate beds might be the solution.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Snoring | Avoid alcohol, sleeping pills, and try snoring remedies such as mouth guards, nasal strips, and sprays |
| Temperature | Find a temperature that works for both partners |
| Sleep schedules | Go to bed and wake up at the same time |
| Pre-bed ritual | Start getting ready for bed an hour before |
| Stress | Address any grievances before going to bed |
| Mattress | Invest in a mattress that doesn't move too much when one partner gets in and out of bed |
| Space | Add layers of blankets to reduce ability to nudge partner |
| Pets and children | Decide whether they are allowed in bed |
| Distractions | Avoid TV and phone screens an hour before bed |
| Quality time | Spend quality time with your partner in bed to promote restorative sleep |
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What You'll Learn
Address any grievances before bed
Sleep is an active physiological process that helps realign certain bodily processes and has a rejuvenating effect. We will naturally sleep better in a secure and soothing environment. As such, the presence of your partner should make you sleep better. However, if you are facing issues with your sleep cycle due to your partner, it is important to address any grievances before bed.
When partners are stressed after a fight and are still in the fight or flight mode, hormones in the body are not conducive to sleep. If possible, address any grievances as best as you can before you head to bed. It is important to communicate any changes in your schedule, such as having to get up earlier or staying up later, to your partner. This can help to avoid any disruptions to your partner's sleep.
If you are a heavy snorer, your partner may be losing sleep due to your snoring. Try out some snoring remedies to see if they help. Avoid drinking alcohol right before bed or taking sleeping pills as these substances relax your throat muscles, which increases snoring. Exercising and quitting smoking have also been shown to help reduce snoring. There are also many mouth guards, nasal strips, sprays, and other types of sleep aids that might reduce snoring.
If you are a restless sleeper, your partner may be disturbed by your tossing and turning. Adding lots of layers of blankets can lessen your ability to nudge them during the night. If you are ready for a bigger commitment, consider investing in a larger mattress. If you don't like cuddling to sleep, communicate this to your partner. Some people need space and reduced body heat to get a good night's sleep.
It is important to address any issues that may be disrupting your partner's sleep. By addressing these grievances before bed, you can improve your partner's sleep quality and strengthen your relationship.
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Avoid screens an hour before sleep
Avoiding screens an hour before sleep is a crucial step in improving your sleep quality. This means no phones, tablets, laptops, or television. The blue light emitted by these devices can disrupt your sleep by suppressing melatonin production and delaying your body's internal clock, which tells you when to be awake and when to sleep. By turning off your devices an hour before bedtime, you give your mind and body time to wind down and prepare for sleep.
During this hour, you can set the stage for sleep by dimming the lights in your bedroom or using a lamp with a soft, warm glow. This helps signal to your body that it's time to start relaxing and preparing for sleep. If you need to stay active during this time, opt for activities that don't involve screens, such as reading a book, meditating, or having a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner.
If you find it challenging to completely avoid screens, there are ways to minimise their impact. You can enable night mode or blue light filters on your devices, which reduce the amount of blue light emitted. Additionally, you can try wearing blue light blocking glasses to further reduce the negative effects of screen time before bed. However, it's important to note that these are not a perfect solution, and the best option is still to minimise screen time close to bedtime.
For some couples, the hour before bed can be a great opportunity to connect and strengthen their relationship. Engaging in conversations, sharing about your day, and enjoying quality time together can enhance your bond and improve your sleep. This quality time can promote the release of oxytocin and serotonin, often referred to as the "love hormone" and the "happy hormone", respectively. These hormones can contribute to a sense of relaxation and contentment, setting the right tone for a good night's sleep.
By avoiding screens and engaging in more intimate activities with your partner before bed, you create an environment conducive to better sleep. This not only improves your individual sleep quality but also strengthens your connection as a couple, making it a win-win strategy for a healthier and happier relationship. Remember, it's not just about the quantity of sleep but also the quality, and creating a soothing pre-sleep routine can make all the difference.
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Try a shared pre-bed ritual
Sharing a bed with a partner is one of the most intimate things you can do. While there are many benefits to sleeping with a partner, it can also come with challenges if your sleep styles don't align. A shared pre-bed ritual can help you and your partner get better sleep.
Firstly, it's important to start getting ready for bed about an hour before you plan to go to sleep. This means turning off the TV, putting your phones away, and avoiding other distractions. Instead, focus on spending quality time with your partner. This could include talking about your day, reading together, or simply enjoying each other's company.
If you or your partner snore, it's worth trying out some snoring remedies. Alcohol and sleeping pills relax the throat muscles, increasing snoring, so it's best to avoid these before bed. Exercising, quitting smoking, and using mouth guards or nasal strips can also help reduce snoring.
If one of you tends to toss and turn, consider adding extra layers of blankets to reduce the impact on your partner. Investing in a larger mattress or a mattress that minimizes movement can also help.
Finally, if you have pets or children, decide together whether they're allowed in the bed. Having a child in the bed can impact the benefits of sleeping with a partner and may hurt the relationship if one person isn't comfortable with it.
By following a shared pre-bed ritual and making some simple adjustments, you and your partner can improve your sleep quality and strengthen your bond.
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Reduce distractions in the bedroom
Reducing distractions in the bedroom is key to improving your sleep quality when sharing a bed with your partner. Firstly, address any grievances or arguments before bedtime, as hormones released when you're stressed or in 'fight or flight' mode can negatively impact your sleep.
If you or your partner are heavy snorers, this can be a significant distraction for the other person. Try to avoid drinking alcohol or taking sleeping pills right before bed, as these substances relax your throat muscles, increasing snoring. Exercising, quitting smoking, and trying out snoring remedies such as mouth guards, nasal strips, and sprays can also help reduce snoring.
If you or your partner are light sleepers, even small movements can be disruptive. Consider investing in a mattress that doesn't move too much when one person gets in and out of bed, and use night lights with motion sensors to avoid turning on disruptive overhead lights. Adding extra layers of blankets can also reduce the impact of nighttime fidgeting.
It's important to keep the bedroom quiet and dark. If you enjoy listening to music or watching TV before bed, use headphones to avoid disturbing your partner. Agree on a shared bedtime ritual, including turning off the TV and other devices at least an hour before bedtime.
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Compromise on cuddling
Cuddling with your partner can have many benefits, such as the release of oxytocin, the "love hormone", and serotonin, the "happy hormone". This can lead to a reduction in stress and an improvement in your relationship. However, if you or your partner are not a fan of cuddling while sleeping, it is important to find a compromise to ensure you both get a good night's rest.
Firstly, it is important to understand each other's preferences and needs. If one partner requires a cuddle buddy to fall asleep, while the other needs space and reduced body heat, try to find a middle ground. You can start by cuddling before falling asleep and then gently separating once you're both comfortable and ready to drift off. This way, you can still enjoy the benefits of physical touch and intimacy without compromising anyone's comfort during sleep.
Another strategy is to invest in bedding that suits both your needs. Consider getting a larger mattress or one made of memory foam, which can provide more space and reduce the impact of movement during the night. Additionally, using multiple layers of blankets can help minimise disturbances when one partner tends to move around a lot.
If temperature regulation is an issue, try to find a compromise that works for both of you. You can adjust the thermostat to a mutually agreeable temperature or use bedding and sleepwear that helps regulate body temperature. It's also a good idea to address any grievances or arguments before bedtime, as stress and negative emotions can impact sleep quality.
Finally, remember that it's okay to have separate sleeping arrangements if needed. Some couples find that sleeping apart, whether in separate beds or in a "sleep divorce", actually improves their relationship and sleep quality. The most important thing is to prioritise open communication and find a solution that works best for both of you, even if it means compromising on cuddling during sleep.
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Frequently asked questions
Research has shown that sleeping with a partner can enhance your REM sleep, which can reduce emotional stress and improve your interactions. Spending quality time with your partner can also have a soothing effect on your mind and body, triggering a state of relaxation and contentment. Additionally, the release of oxytocin and serotonin, known as the "feel-good" chemicals, can promote emotional bonding and reduce stress.
It is important to address any grievances before going to bed and communicate any changes in your sleep schedule. You can also follow a shared pre-bed ritual to ensure you're both on track for restful sleep. If you have pets or children, agree on whether they're allowed in bed, as their presence can impact your sleep quality.
If your partner snores, avoid drinking alcohol or taking sleeping pills right before bed, as they relax your throat muscles and can increase snoring. Exercising, quitting smoking, and using snoring aids like mouth guards or nasal strips can also help. For partners who move around a lot, adding extra layers of blankets can reduce their ability to nudge you, and investing in a larger mattress can provide more space.
