
Many parents wonder when their child should start sleeping alone. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, as each child and family is unique, experts generally recommend that children learn to sleep independently from an early age, ideally between one and three years old. This helps to prevent separation anxiety and encourages self-soothing, confidence, and independence as they grow older. However, it's important to be mindful of safety measures, especially when co-sleeping with infants, to prevent SIDS and other risks. Some parents choose to co-sleep initially, transitioning their toddlers to independent sleeping when they are older.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Ideal age range | 1-3 years |
| Maximum age | 5-12 years |
| Minimum age | None |
| Techniques | Rituals, soothing techniques, audiobooks, reading, positive reinforcement, independence training |
| Benefits | Development of self-soothing skills, confidence, strength, and independence |
| Risks of co-sleeping | Increased anxiety, stunted development, unhealthy habits, dependency, and risk of fatal accidents |
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What You'll Learn

The benefits of teaching a child to sleep alone
While co-sleeping with infants is common, it is important for children to learn to sleep independently as they grow up. The ideal age for children to start sleeping alone is between one and three years old, or when they progress from infancy to toddlerhood. Teaching children to sleep alone at the right age offers several benefits, including:
Promoting Emotional Maturity and Independence
The capacity to be alone is a sign of emotional maturity and an important skill for future development. By learning to self-soothe and fall asleep independently, children develop a sense of independence and autonomy. They become more self-reliant and better equipped to handle situations where they may be alone, such as school trips or sleepovers.
Reducing Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is a normal part of a child's development. Teaching children to sleep alone gradually can help reduce this anxiety. By establishing bedtime routines and rituals, children develop a sense of predictability and security, knowing that their parents are nearby even when they are not in the same room.
Enhancing Sleep Quality
Creating a calm and comfortable sleep environment without distractions is essential for children's sleep quality. Removing electronic devices, such as televisions and computers, reduces stimulation and makes it easier for children to fall asleep. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine, including activities like brushing teeth, changing into pyjamas, and reading stories, helps children feel more secure and relaxed at bedtime.
Encouraging Healthy Habits
Teaching children to sleep alone can help them develop healthy habits that extend beyond bedtime. It encourages them to take ownership of their sleep habits and fosters a sense of responsibility. Additionally, by spending quality time with children during the day and engaging in activities together, parents can strengthen their bond and promote positive behaviours.
Providing a Sense of Achievement
Successfully sleeping alone can be a source of pride and accomplishment for children. Rewarding children for sleeping independently, such as with a celebratory snack or a special breakfast, reinforces positive behaviour and motivates them to continue the habit. This sense of achievement can boost their confidence and self-esteem.
It is important to note that the process of teaching children to sleep alone should be gradual and tailored to each child's needs. By providing comfort, support, and a consistent routine, parents can help their children develop the important skill of sleeping independently.
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Tips for helping your child sleep alone
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of when a child should sleep alone, it is generally recommended that parents start encouraging their children to sleep independently from a young age. This can help prevent issues such as separation anxiety and dependency as they grow older. Here are some tips to help your child sleep alone:
Establish a bedtime routine
Create a calming bedtime ritual for your child to follow. This could include brushing their teeth, changing into pyjamas, dimming the lights, and reading a story. A consistent routine will signal to your child's body and mind that it's time to wind down and prepare for sleep.
Provide comfort objects
Allow your child to have a comfort object, such as a favourite blanket, pillow, or stuffed toy, to help them feel secure when sleeping alone. If your child is particularly attached to you, you can try giving them something with your scent on it, like an old shirt or pillowcase.
Encourage self-soothing techniques
Teach your child ways to calm themselves and fall back asleep if they wake up during the night. This could include deep breathing, counting sheep, or listening to calming music or audiobooks. These techniques will empower your child to manage their own sleep and reduce their anxiety.
Gradual transition
If your child is used to co-sleeping, gradually transition them to sleeping alone. You can start by placing a mattress or folding bed in your room, then slowly move it towards their room over time. This helps reinforce the idea that their bed is their sleeping space.
Consistency and positive reinforcement
Be consistent with your child's bedtime routine and rules. Remind them of the rules, help them take ownership of their sleep, and maintain a positive attitude. It may take a few nights, but your child will likely be able to fall asleep alone within 15 minutes by the second or third night.
Address fears and anxieties
Common fears, such as fear of the dark or imaginary monsters, can make it difficult for children to sleep alone. Address these fears directly and encourage your child to face and overcome them. Reassure your child that their bedroom is a safe space and that they are capable of sleeping independently.
Remember that every child is unique, and there is no "one-size-fits-all" approach to sleep. Adapt these tips to suit your child's needs and comfort level, and always seek professional advice if you have concerns about their sleep or development.
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The downsides of co-sleeping
While co-sleeping is a common practice, with over half of mothers surveyed in 2015 reporting that they co-sleep, it is not without its downsides. Here are some of the potential negatives of co-sleeping:
- Sleep onset association: Co-sleeping can lead to children developing a sleep onset association, also known as a sleep crutch or prop. This means they rely on having a parent nearby to fall asleep and may struggle to drift off without that presence. This can result in a child becoming dependent on a parent's presence at bedtime, making it difficult for them to fall asleep independently.
- Disrupted sleep for parents: Restless and active sleepers can disrupt their parents' sleep with kicking or thrashing around. This can lead to frustration for both parents and children.
- Safety concerns: Co-sleeping may increase the risk of fatal accidents, especially as a child grows older and more mobile. It is recommended that parents avoid co-sleeping if they have been drinking alcohol or taking drugs that can impair their ability to wake up and respond to their child.
- Difficulty transitioning to independent sleep: The longer co-sleeping continues, the harder it may be for a child to transition to sleeping alone. Children may develop a strong attachment to sleeping with a parent and resist sleeping independently.
- Potential impact on child development: Some studies suggest that co-sleeping may negatively impact toddlers' social behaviour and cognitive abilities. While these findings are influenced by socioeconomic factors, they highlight the potential risks of co-sleeping beyond the infant stage.
- Inconsistent sleep habits: Co-sleeping may result in inconsistent sleep habits for children. They may struggle to fall asleep without specific interactions or routines that they associate with a parent's presence, such as back rubbing or patting.
While co-sleeping can have benefits, such as promoting bonding and convenience for breastfeeding parents, it is important to consider the potential downsides. Teaching a child to sleep independently from a young age can help prevent separation anxiety and foster healthy sleep habits.
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The ideal age range for a child to sleep alone
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of when a child should start sleeping alone, as every child and family is unique. However, there are some general guidelines and considerations that can help parents make this decision.
Many parents choose to co-sleep with their babies, especially during the newborn phase, to facilitate nighttime care and bonding. While co-sleeping can have benefits, it is important to introduce independence gradually as children grow older. Some experts recommend that children start sleeping in their own crib or bed by the time they are toddlers, between the ages of one and three years old. This can help prevent separation anxiety and encourage the development of self-soothing skills.
However, it is important to be mindful of your child's individual needs and progress. Some children may be ready to sleep alone earlier, while others may need more time and support. Encouraging your child to sleep alone too early could lead to separation anxiety or a sense of detachment, while leaving it too late can make it more difficult to break the dependency.
Ideally, by the time children start school, around the ages of five to seven, they should be encouraged to sleep independently. This fosters their sense of confidence, independence, and privacy. It allows them to discover their decision-making abilities and promotes their personal development and growth.
If your child is struggling to sleep alone, there are various strategies you can try. Establishing a bedtime routine and providing comfort items like a favourite blanket or toy can help ease the transition. Gradually reducing your presence at bedtime, such as with the "Back in 10" check-in method, can also assist your child in falling asleep independently. Remember, every child is different, and it's important to find an approach that works best for you and your child.
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How to deal with a child that won't sleep alone
It is important to teach a child to sleep alone at the right age. If done too early, it could cause separation anxiety, and if done too late, it can get extremely difficult to break that dependency. Generally, children between the ages of one to three years old are considered toddlers, and this is a good time to try to get them to sleep by themselves.
- Create a bedtime ritual: Establish a bedtime routine that includes brushing teeth, changing into pyjamas, dimming the lights, saying a goodnight prayer, and reading a story. This will help your child get into the habit of sleeping alone.
- Provide comfort objects: Offer your child a sense of security by giving them a stuffed animal, a blanket, or even a goldfish tank to keep them company as they fall asleep.
- Gradually phase out your presence: For the first few nights, sleep in your child's room, but make your presence boring and minimal. Slowly move your chair closer to the door each night until you are outside the room. Eventually, your child will get used to sleeping alone.
- Be consistent: It is important to be firm and consistent in returning your child to their bed every time they try to sleep with you. If you give in occasionally, it will reinforce the behaviour and make it harder to break the habit.
- Address their fears: If your child is afraid of the dark, monsters, or robbers, help them understand that these things are not real. Teach them that their bedroom is a secure and comfortable place.
- Encourage independence: Teach your child techniques to fall back asleep on their own, such as counting sheep or taking deep breaths. This will help them feel more capable of sleeping alone.
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Frequently asked questions
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Some parents start teaching their children to sleep independently from infancy, while others continue co-sleeping until their child is 12 years old. Ideally, children should start sleeping alone between the ages of 2 and 5, as it becomes increasingly difficult to break the co-sleeping habit as they get older.
Teaching a child to sleep independently helps them develop self-soothing techniques, which can reduce anxiety and increase their sense of confidence and independence. Additionally, it allows parents to reclaim their bed and privacy, fostering a healthier dynamic within the family.
Start by establishing a bedtime routine, which could include brushing teeth, changing into pyjamas, dimming the lights, and reading a story. You can also introduce comfort items, such as a favourite toy, blanket, or pillow, to help your child feel safe. Gradually increase the time between check-ins when they are falling asleep, and remind them that they have the choice to follow calming techniques like deep breathing or counting sheep instead of getting out of bed.


































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