Evie Summers
Co-sleeping with children is a highly debated topic, with some critics arguing that it stunts a child's independence and causes lower sleep quality, while others claim it nurtures the parent-child bond and reduces anxiety. While there is no definitive guideline on when co-sleeping should be stopped, pediatricians warn against bed-sharing with infants under 12 months due to the risk of suffocation and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Some experts recommend transitioning children to their own space by age one to encourage self-soothing, while others suggest that children should have their own bed by age two or three to give them a choice. Ultimately, the decision to co-sleep is a personal one, influenced by societal expectations and cultural norms.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Co-sleeping before the age of 12 months | Increases the risk of suffocation and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) |
| Co-sleeping beyond the age of two | May lead to increased levels of anxiety and stress as the child grows older |
| Co-sleeping beyond the age of five | May increase the chances of a child developing unhealthy habits such as refusing to consider the value of privacy, and being too needy |
| Co-sleeping in general | May cause lower sleep quality, resulting in more nighttime waking and daytime sleepiness |
| Co-sleeping in general | May lead to the child becoming codependent or enmeshed with parental figures, which can damage their short-term and long-term adjustment |
| Co-sleeping in general | May stunt a child's independence |
| Co-sleeping in general | May disrupt parents' sleep and intimacy |
| Co-sleeping in non-Western societies | Common and considered normal |
| Co-sleeping in Western societies | Considered normal before the 19th century |
| Co-sleeping in Western societies | Often considered taboo and associated with negative outcomes for the child |
| Co-sleeping in Western societies | More common than people may realise and is under-reported |
| Co-sleeping in Western societies | Children should have their own room by the age of 2 or 3, but it is acceptable for them to choose to co-sleep |
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What You'll Learn
Co-sleeping is a personal decision
Beyond the critical safety considerations for infants, co-sleeping becomes a matter of personal preference and family dynamics. Some parents choose to co-sleep to nurture the parent-child bond, promote a sense of security, and facilitate better sleep for both parties. However, critics argue that co-sleeping can hinder a child's independence, disrupt parental intimacy, and negatively impact sleep quality for all involved. These conflicting viewpoints highlight the absence of a one-size-fits-all approach to co-sleeping.
While there is no definitive guideline on when to stop co-sleeping, it is generally recommended that parents gradually encourage their child to transition to sleeping independently. This process can begin as early as the age of five, promoting self-soothing skills and independence. However, it is important to respect the child's pace and preferences, ensuring they have the option of their own room and bed as they get older.
Ultimately, the decision to co-sleep or not is deeply personal and influenced by cultural norms, societal expectations, and individual circumstances. Parents should carefully weigh the benefits and potential challenges, staying open to adjusting their approach as their child grows and their needs evolve. Seeking guidance from pediatricians and licensed therapists can help parents make informed decisions that align with their values and priorities.
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There is no guideline for when to stop
However, in Western societies, the idea that children should sleep alone emerged in the 19th century with the rise of nuclear families and the need for increased discipline and independence. This notion was further reinforced in the early 20th century by fears of overindulgent parenting, associating co-sleeping with raising lazy and difficult children.
While there is no specific age that is "too old" for co-sleeping, some experts recommend transitioning children to their own space by the age of one to foster self-soothing and solution-focused behaviors. Others suggest that parents introduce sleeping in separate spaces around the age of five when children are fully grown and can get accustomed to having their bed and space.
Some critics argue that co-sleeping beyond early childhood can have negative consequences, such as increased dependency on parents, difficulty forming relationships in adulthood, and higher levels of anxiety and stress when transitioning to independent sleeping arrangements. Additionally, as children grow older and larger, co-sleeping may become more challenging from a space and comfort perspective.
Ultimately, the decision to co-sleep or transition to solitary sleeping should be driven by the specific needs and preferences of the child and the family. It is important to prioritize the child's safety, well-being, and sleep quality while also considering societal norms and personal choices.
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The risks of co-sleeping with infants
Co-sleeping with infants has been a topic of debate for many years, with some proponents arguing that it nurtures the parent-child bond, reduces children's anxiety, and helps children sleep better. However, critics argue that it can stunt a child's independence, disrupt parental sleep and intimacy, and lead to unhealthy habits and codependency. While there is no definitive guideline on when co-sleeping should be stopped, it is important to consider the potential risks associated with the practice, especially for infants.
One of the primary concerns with co-sleeping is the increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Sleeping in the same bed as an infant can elevate the chances of SIDS occurring, with bed-sharing being a substantial risk factor. Studies have found that the majority of sleep-related infant fatalities occur due to bed-sharing, and pediatricians strongly advise against this practice, especially for babies under 12 months. Additionally, infants who are not breastfed have a higher risk of SIDS, and it is crucial to always place infants on their backs to sleep and avoid soft bedding that could obstruct their breathing.
Co-sleeping beyond the early years can also have potential drawbacks. Children who co-sleep for extended periods may struggle with self-soothing and developing independence. They may become overly reliant on parental presence when sleeping, leading to increased anxiety and stress when transitioning to independent sleep. This can also impact their ability to form relationships in adulthood due to the extreme emotional attachment formed with their parents.
Furthermore, co-sleeping may not always align with cultural norms and expectations, particularly in Western societies. The idea of children sleeping independently emerged during the 19th century with the rise of nuclear families and the need for increased discipline. Sleeping alone was believed to foster self-regulation and independence in children. While co-sleeping is a personal decision for parents, it is essential to be well-informed about the potential risks and take necessary precautions to ensure the safety and well-being of infants.
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The benefits of solitary sleeping
There is no definitive answer to the question of how old is "too old" for a child to co-sleep with their parents. Some sources suggest that co-sleeping with babies under the age of 12 months should be avoided due to the risk of suffocation and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). However, other sources claim that when studies control for other SIDS risk factors, the risk does not seem to differ between co-sleeping and solitary sleeping infants.
While there is no guideline on when co-sleeping should be stopped, some experts suggest that parents should introduce sleeping in their own spaces as early as five years old. This is when children are fully grown and still young enough to get used to having their bed and space. Starting school is also a good time to encourage independence, and this includes learning to sleep independently.
- Encouraging independence: Sleeping alone can help children develop self-soothing skills and independence. Co-sleeping beyond a certain age can increase the chances of a child developing unhealthy habits, such as refusing to consider the value of privacy and being too needy.
- Reducing codependency: Allowing children to share a bed with parents for too long can lead to codependency or enmeshment, which can negatively impact their adjustment in the short and long term.
- Improved sleep duration: Studies suggest that children who share a bed may have shorter sleep durations than solitary sleepers, as they tend to go to bed later.
- Encouraging self-regulation: Sleeping alone can help children develop self-regulation skills and learn to make their own decisions.
- Promoting privacy: In Western cultures, the idea of privacy is often associated with "civilization" and individualism. Teaching children about the value of privacy and personal space can be beneficial.
Ultimately, the decision to co-sleep or practice solitary sleeping is a personal one, influenced by cultural norms and societal expectations. It is important for parents to consider factors such as sleep disorders, health, and age when making this decision.
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Transitioning to solitary sleeping
The transition to solitary sleeping is a significant milestone in a child's development, impacting their well-being and family dynamics. While cultural differences influence when and how this transition occurs, with some societies favouring co-sleeping and others encouraging independence from an early age, it is ultimately a decision for caregivers to make. Below are some strategies to help guide your child towards sleeping independently.
Understanding Sleep Patterns and Needs
Children's sleep patterns evolve rapidly, shaping their cognitive, emotional, and physical well-being. As they grow, their sleep needs change, and their ability to sleep independently develops. Toddlers, for instance, typically require 11-14 hours of sleep per day, including naps, while preschoolers generally need about 10-13 hours, mostly at night. By the time they are school-age, most children have the ability to sleep independently through the night. Understanding these developmental milestones can help you navigate the transition effectively.
Establishing Consistent Routines
Consistent bedtime routines are crucial in helping your child understand sleep expectations and feel secure. A regular routine might include a warm bath, putting on pyjamas, brushing teeth, and reading bedtime stories. Maintaining this routine, even when your child is sleeping in a new setting, provides a strong signal that it is time for sleep.
Creating a Conducive Sleep Environment
To encourage independent sleep, it is important to create an environment that is conducive to sleep. Remove electronic devices like televisions and computers, as the stimulation and light from screens can make it difficult for your child to fall asleep. Instead, opt for a dim night-light if needed. You can also introduce comforting objects, such as stuffed animals, blankets, or a toddler-friendly clock, to provide a sense of reassurance and security.
Gradual Transitioning
Gradually phasing out your presence during bedtime can help ease the transition. For a few days, try sitting near your child's door during bedtime and middle-of-the-night wakings, and then remove yourself from the room entirely. You can also make your presence in their room as boring as possible, refraining from engaging with your child when they should be sleeping. Over time, you can increase the intervals between checking in on them.
Positive Reinforcement
Praising and rewarding your child for their efforts can motivate them to continue sleeping independently. Offer reassurance when they wake up during the night, but try to remain unengaging to encourage them to fall back asleep on their own. Remember that this transition takes time and patience, and your persistence will pay off as your child learns to sleep on their own.
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Frequently asked questions
Co-sleeping nurtures the parent-child attachment, reduces children’s anxiety, and helps children sleep.
Co-sleeping can cause lower sleep quality, resulting in more nighttime waking and daytime sleepiness for both kids and parents. It can also lead to your child suffering from a lack of self-soothing skills, which can cause an increased amount of stress and even risk of insomnia.
There is no guideline for an age when co-sleeping should be stopped. Dr. Basora-Rovira says there is no specific age that is “too old” for co-sleeping, but recommends transitioning children into their own room as soon as possible. Other sources suggest that children should have their own bed by age 2 or 3, and that parents should start to encourage children to sleep in their own beds around age 5.
