Being An Asshole Burns A Lot Of Energy

Sleep is a vital biological function, and yet, many of us are sleep-deprived. Depriving yourself of sleep in the short term is manageable, but in the long term, it can have disastrous consequences. Sleep deprivation can turn you into an asshole.

An asshole is someone who leaves others feeling demeaned, de-energized, disrespected, and/or oppressed. An asshole is someone who doesn't care about other people's feelings and lacks empathy. They are often thin-skinned, defensive, and cynical. They are also usually unhappy, with underlying sadness and a deep distrust of others.

So, if you've been an asshole all day, how do you sleep? Well, sleep deprivation will only make things worse. You'll be more irritable and quick to anger, and your brain will struggle to regulate your emotions effectively.

The best way to ensure a good night's sleep is to address the underlying causes of your asshole behaviour. This may involve seeking professional help to deal with any emotional issues or past trauma. It may also mean making a conscious effort to be more vulnerable, empathetic, and compassionate in your daily interactions.

Remember, a good night's sleep is essential for both your physical and mental health, and it may just help you become a little less of an asshole.

Sleep deprivation makes you an asshole

Sleep is vital to the way our bodies work. Depriving yourself of sleep can be done in the short term, but trying to cheat biology in the long term is a recipe for disaster. Sleep deprivation is one of the most reliable ways to become an asshole. If you're tired and in a hurry, you're likely to be an asshole.

How to be an asshole

If you want to be an asshole, you need to speak your mind all the time. Don't filter and don't try to be tactful. Say exactly what you think when you think it. If you're a decent person, this will be difficult because you are already subconsciously inhibited from saying the most hurtful things. Always point out others' mistakes and flaws, no matter how petty they are.

Gloat when you win or are right about something. Relentlessly criticize everybody's ideas — especially if you have no stake in the discussion. The criticism need not be valid!

How to deal with assholes

If you are dealing with an asshole, you have to build your case and build a coalition. If you can, get out of the situation. If you must endure, you will have to fight or take it. If you're going to fight, you need a plan and a posse, you need to collect your evidence, and then take your chances.

How to not be an asshole

If you want to stop being an asshole, you need to understand what's more important than people's feelings. Would you hurt someone's feelings to save a dying family member? What about to save your career? What about to promote a good cause you care about?

Get good at feeling bad and you'll become okay at making others feel bad when necessary. Create a new rule for yourself: if there's something uncomfortable that you believe is important to say, just say it. Don't think about it. Just trust that in the long run, you'll be happy that you said it.

Recognise your own asshole tendencies

Recognising your own asshole tendencies is the first step to changing your behaviour. The following are some tendencies that might indicate you're being an asshole:

• You put yourself before others, and you don't think twice about it.
• You lack certain emotions that others seem to think are important.
• You don't care about anything except what matters to you.
• You're a super competitive and offensive driver.
• When people cry, you tend to have an inappropriate reaction, like the urge to run away.
• You can get away with doing certain things, but no one else can.
• You pride yourself on having unpopular opinions.
• Arguing gives you the biggest adrenaline rush, and you thrive from it.
• You tend to laugh at the most inappropriate times.
• You secretly enjoy the look on people's faces when you eat the last of something.
• You think you're the smartest person in the room at all times.
• You have no qualms about pointing out others' mistakes and flaws, no matter how petty they are.
• You gloat when you win or are right about something.
• You criticise everyone's ideas relentlessly, especially if you have no stake in the discussion.
• You tell people how they should feel.
• You neglect to follow through on your commitments.
• You don't back up your words with action.

If you recognise any of these tendencies in yourself, it might be time to make a change. Start by increasing your self-awareness and asking the people around you for honest feedback. It's important to be willing to hear and accept their perspectives, even if it's uncomfortable. Remember, the first step to changing your behaviour is recognising and acknowledging your asshole tendencies.

Learn to be an ethical asshole

Being an asshole can be a valuable life skill. It can be the difference between getting walked over and standing up for yourself. However, it is important to be an ethical asshole. Unethical assholes are liars, cheaters, and thieves. They are narcissistic and see the world only in terms of what benefits them. Ethical assholes, on the other hand, are national treasures. They are the ones who protect us from the unethical assholes.

Know Yourself and Be Honest

Self-awareness is key. Understand your own emotions and what triggers your asshole tendencies. Be honest about your weaknesses and work on developing techniques to calm yourself down. Sleep deprivation, for example, is one of the most reliable ways to become an asshole. So, make sure you're getting enough rest.

Take Responsibility for the Assholes in Your Life

Recognize that sometimes you might be the asshole. Take responsibility for your actions and be open to feedback from others. If people close to you are telling you that you're being an asshole, listen to them and try to improve your behaviour.

Understand the Impact of Your Words and Actions

As an ethical asshole, choose your battles wisely. Understand that your words and actions can have a significant impact on others. Before speaking your mind, consider whether what you're about to say is necessary and constructive. Be mindful of other people's feelings and choose empathy over criticism.

Stand Up for What's Right

Don't be afraid to speak up when you see something wrong. This could be standing up for a friend, calling out injustice, or simply saying what needs to be said. Ethical assholes are often the ones who go to bat for others and say the things that need to be said.

Practice Feeling Bad

Get comfortable with feeling bad. This will allow you to make others feel bad when necessary. Understand that sometimes it's okay to upset someone if it's for a good cause or to stand up for what's right.

Remember, being an ethical asshole is about finding a balance between assertiveness and compassion. It's about knowing when to speak up and when to keep your mouth shut. It's about being willing to be disliked without causing unnecessary harm.

Understand the difference between temporary and certified assholes

Understanding the difference between temporary and certified assholes

In his book, *The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't*, Stanford professor Robert Sutton differentiates between "temporary" and "certified" assholes. Sutton defines a certified asshole as someone who is "persistently nasty", while a temporary asshole is someone who may be having a bad moment or day.

Certified assholes are bullies who breed incivility and leave their victims feeling "oppressed, humiliated, de-energised, or belittled". Sutton further characterises them as individuals who target those less powerful than themselves, leaving them feeling worse about themselves after interacting.

On the other hand, temporary assholes are those who, under the wrong conditions, act in a way that is out of character. They may be irritable, tired, or anxious, and their behaviour may be a result of these temporary negative states.

It's important to note that temporary assholes are capable of self-reflection and can feel disappointed in themselves for their actions. They are also more likely to apologise and make amends. In contrast, certified assholes lack this self-awareness and continue to engage in harmful behaviour without remorse.

Recognising the difference between temporary and certified assholes is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and workplaces. Temporary assholes can be held accountable for their actions and encouraged to change, while certified assholes may need to be avoided or removed from positions of power to prevent further harm.

Learn to not give a shit

Not giving a shit is a powerful tool to have in your arsenal when dealing with assholes. It takes the wind out of their sails and can be a great way to neutralise their negative impact on you. Here are some tips on how to learn to not give a shit:

• Understand the benefits of not giving a shit: Recognise that not giving a shit about what others think can lead to greater professional success and a more authentic life. It can also be a valuable skill in high-stakes situations, such as business negotiations, where being able to upset someone or stand your ground can lead to more optimal outcomes.
• Decide what's more important than people's feelings: Identify what matters more to you than others' feelings. For example, would you hurt someone's feelings to save a dying family member? To save your career? To promote a good cause? Having a higher purpose that you care about more than others' opinions can help you learn to not give a shit.
• Get comfortable with feeling bad: Often, people avoid upsetting others because they don't want to feel bad themselves. Get good at feeling bad and making others feel bad when necessary. Understand that sometimes it's okay to make yourself and others feel bad for a good cause.
• Lean into painful honesty: Make a rule for yourself that if there's something uncomfortable but important that you believe needs to be said, just say it. Don't overthink it. Trust that, in the long run, you and others will be glad you said it. The first few times will be terrifying, but it will get easier, and you'll become more comfortable with being an asshole.
• Practise speaking your mind: Don't filter yourself or try to be tactful. Say exactly what you think when you think it. This will be difficult at first, especially if you're a decent person. But with practice, you'll get better at it, and you'll be well on your way to becoming an asshole.
• Don't back up your words with action: If you want to be a real ashole, don't follow through on your commitments. People will probably forgive you the first few times, but if you keep at it, you'll eventually earn a reputation as an asshole.
• Tell people how they should feel: If someone confides in you that they're feeling down, and you can't understand why, tell them they shouldn't feel that way. In the asshole's mind, feelings are stupid, and people just need to be told what to do.

Frequently asked questions