Partner Keeping You Up? How To Sleep Better Together

Sharing a bed with a partner can be a challenge for many couples. While some people adjust to co-sleeping easily, others find that it causes sleep disruptions and relationship strain. Common issues include different sleep schedules, noise, lighting, temperature preferences, and bed-hogging. These problems can lead to sleep deprivation, affecting both physical and mental health and causing irritability and mood swings, which in turn impact the relationship. To improve sleep when sharing a bed, couples can try larger beds, separate blankets, eye masks, earplugs, staggering bedtimes, and addressing any health issues like sleep apnea. If issues persist, some couples opt for sleep divorces, choosing to sleep in separate rooms to prioritize their sleep and, by extension, their relationship.

Environmental factors: New factors like noises, smells, and lighting in your partner's bedroom could be keeping your body awake

Environmental factors can play a significant role in sleep quality when sharing a bed with a partner. Here are some ways to address these factors for a better night's rest:

Noise

If your partner is a loud snorer, consider using earplugs or white noise machines to drown out the noise. White noise machines can produce sounds that are specifically designed to be soothing and promote sleep. Alternatively, you could try playing calming music or nature sounds at a low volume. If your partner is open to it, you could also suggest that they try different sleeping positions, as snoring can sometimes be alleviated by sleeping on their side instead of their back.

Smell

Strong or unpleasant odours in the bedroom can be distracting and make it difficult to fall asleep. Ensure proper ventilation in the bedroom by opening a window or using a fan. Avoid strong-smelling foods and beverages before bed, and be mindful of any scented products you or your partner use, such as perfume, cologne, or scented candles. Opt for fragrance-free options if necessary.

Lighting

Light is one of the most critical external factors affecting sleep. It is best to sleep in a dark room, as even low levels of light can disrupt sleep cycles and cause fragmented sleep. Invest in blackout curtains or thick blinds to block external light. If your partner prefers to keep a light on, try using a small, low-power lamp with a dim, warm light. You could also suggest that your partner use a book light or a small lamp that shines only on their side of the bed. Additionally, avoid screen time before bed, as the blue light emitted by electronic devices can interfere with your body's natural sleep hormones.

Temperature

Differences in preferred sleeping temperatures can be a source of discomfort for couples. If one partner prefers a cooler environment while the other likes to be bundled up, try using separate blankets. This way, each person can adjust their bedding to their preferred temperature without disturbing the other. It might also be helpful to keep a window open or use a fan to keep the room cool.

Sleep disorders: Health-related sleep issues, like sleep apnea, night terrors, or snoring, can cause serious disruptions

Sleep disorders can cause serious disruptions in a relationship, and they can take many forms. Snoring, for instance, is a common issue that can cause sleep trouble for both partners. It can lead to tiredness, frustration, and resentment, straining the relationship and pushing couples to sleep separately. The negative impact of snoring on sleep quality and quantity can affect thinking skills, judgment, and empathy, making couples feel less appreciative of each other.

Sleep apnea is another disorder that can cause disruptions. It involves stopping breathing while asleep, which triggers a survival reflex that wakes the person up just enough to resume breathing. This interrupts the sleep cycle, preventing restful sleep. Sleep apnea can lead to serious health complications, including heart damage, arrhythmias, and sudden cardiac death. It can also cause daytime drowsiness, which may result in accidents if individuals fall asleep while driving or operating machinery.

Night terrors can also affect sleep quality and relationship harmony. Intense dreams, nightmares, and active sleeping can disrupt a partner's sleep and lead to tension and exhaustion. These issues can create a vicious cycle, as lack of sleep can make individuals grumpy, emotional, and short-tempered, further straining the relationship.

Treating sleep disorders is crucial for restoring sleep quality, protecting health, and improving relationships. Solutions can include seeking medical advice, adjusting sleep habits and environments, and adopting relaxation techniques like yoga and meditation.

Work schedules: Opposite work schedules can make it difficult to find a consistent sleep routine

Working opposite schedules can make it difficult for couples to find a consistent sleep routine. This is especially true if one or both partners work nontraditional hours, such as overnight or rotating shifts. In these cases, one or both partners may experience shift work sleep disorder (SWSD), a circadian rhythm sleep disorder that affects people who work outside the regular 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. workday. SWSD can cause insomnia, hypersomnia, difficulty concentrating, decreased alertness, and irritability.

To improve sleep for couples with opposite work schedules, it is important to prioritize sleep and make adjustments to sleep routines. This may include making changes to work schedules, such as reducing the number of night shifts in a row or avoiding prolonged shifts and excessive overtime. At home, creating a quiet, dark, and peaceful environment can help promote better sleep. This may include using earplugs, eye masks, or separate bed coverings to minimize disturbances.

Additionally, practicing good sleep hygiene is crucial. This involves maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, even on weekends and days off, and improving sleep habits, such as avoiding caffeine and electronic devices before bed. For shift workers, it is essential to get at least seven to nine hours of sleep whenever possible and make sleep a priority. Bright light therapy and melatonin supplements may also help regulate sleep for those working nontraditional hours.

For couples struggling with opposite work schedules and sleep issues, it is important to communicate openly and be willing to compromise. This may include finding creative solutions, such as using separate blankets or even sleeping in different beds or rooms, to ensure adequate sleep for both partners.

Temperature: One partner may prefer a cooler environment, while the other likes to be bundled up

Sharing a bed with a partner isn't a biological need but a cultural norm, so it makes sense that you're having trouble adjusting. It takes time for a person's body to get used to sharing a bed, as our brains initially perceive the presence of another human while sleeping as a threat.

If you and your partner have different preferences when it comes to the temperature of your shared sleeping environment, this can be a source of sleep disruption. One person's ideal temperature for sleeping may be too hot or too cold for the other, leading to discomfort and restlessness.

To improve your sleep when facing this issue, here are some suggestions:

• Get a bigger bed: A larger bed can provide more space and help reduce the impact of temperature differences. Each person will have more room to adjust their bedding and sleep position without disturbing the other.
• Use separate blankets: By using individual blankets, you and your partner can adjust to your preferred temperatures more easily. This allows one person to be bundled up while the other stays cool.
• Compromise and adapt: Communicate and find a temperature that works for both of you, even if it's not your ideal. You can also try personal adjustments like using a fan directed at only one person or wearing more or fewer layers to bed.
• Sleep in separate rooms: If all else fails, consider sleeping in separate rooms. This option can provide a better night's sleep for both partners and is more common than you might think. It doesn't have to signify a problem in your relationship; instead, it can be a practical solution to ensure adequate rest for both individuals.

Bed size: A bigger bed can help with issues like blanket-stealing and flailing around

If you're sharing a bed with your partner, it's important to find ways to get a good night's sleep. One solution is to invest in a bigger bed, which can help with issues like blanket-stealing and flailing around. A bigger bed can provide more personal space and reduce the impact of your partner's movements. This can be especially helpful if you're a light sleeper or tend to move around a lot in your sleep.

• Stability and Support: Look for a mattress that isolates movement and reduces motion transfer. Foam mattresses tend to be less bouncy and more stable than other types. The mattress should also provide support based on your and your partner's height, weight, and sleep style (back, side, or stomach sleeping).
• Try it Out: If possible, test the mattress together before buying to ensure it works for both of you. A bigger mattress might be a good option if one of you is a light sleeper and the other is a restless sleeper.
• Separate Blankets: Using separate blankets can help if one partner likes to be bundled up while the other prefers a cooler sleep environment.
• Temperature Control: Compromise on a comfortable sleeping temperature for both of you. You can also try sleeping with your own blankets or using a larger bed to accommodate different temperature preferences.
• Address Sleep Disorders: If your partner has a sleep disorder, such as sleep apnea or night terrors, encourage them to seek a sleep evaluation and treatment. This can improve sleep quality for both of you.
• Stagger Bedtimes: If possible, try to go to bed at different times, especially if one of you tends to fall asleep faster. This can reduce disruptions when one person is still awake while the other is trying to sleep.
• Earplugs and White Noise: If your partner snores or uses a CPAP machine, consider using earplugs or white noise to reduce the noise disturbance.
• Sleep Divorce: In some cases, sleeping in separate rooms or beds might be the best solution for a good night's sleep. This doesn't have to be a permanent arrangement, and it can help improve sleep quality and relationship satisfaction.

Frequently asked questions