
Sharing a bed with your significant other can create feelings of warmth and comfort. However, it can also be challenging, especially if you have different sleep patterns or habits. Some people find it difficult to sleep without their partner, as they become accustomed to their presence and develop a shared sleep rhythm or sleep synchrony. This can make sleeping apart feel disruptive and challenging. On the other hand, some couples struggle to sleep in the same bed due to differences in sleep habits, such as snoring, restlessness, or preferences for light, noise, and temperature. Finding solutions to these issues can be crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship and ensuring adequate sleep for both partners.
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What You'll Learn

Couples who sleep together tend to live longer and in better health
Many couples develop a shared sleep rhythm or "sleep synchrony", where they adjust to each other's natural sleep patterns and routines. This can include everything from bedtime and breathing rhythm to favourite white noise. This synchronization can make sleeping apart feel disruptive, as the absence of a partner can throw off a person's routine.
Research has shown that couples who sleep together tend to live longer and experience better health. A University of Pittsburgh study from 2009 found that women in long-term stable relationships fell asleep more quickly and woke up less during the night than single women or women who lost or gained a partner. The study's lead author, Wendy Troxel, PhD, speculated that these findings may reflect a "'newlywed effect', where women in newer relationships are less adjusted to sleeping with their partner.
Sleeping with a partner may promote feelings of safety and security, which can lower levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. This can, in turn, reduce cytokines, which are involved in inflammation, and boost oxytocin, the "love hormone" that is known to ease anxiety and is produced in the same part of the brain responsible for the sleep-wake cycle.
Additionally, spending more time in bed together can improve relationship functioning and satisfaction. Researchers in Germany found that heterosexual couples who slept together experienced longer REM sleep with fewer interruptions. REM sleep is when dreams occur and is crucial for brain replenishment.
However, it is important to note that some couples may have different ideal bedtimes or sleep patterns, and this can create challenges. Sleep experts suggest that there are ways to address these couple-sleep problems without resorting to separate bedrooms. For example, maintaining the same bedtime routine, even when a partner is away, can help preserve a sense of familiar rhythm and make it easier to fall asleep.
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Sleeping together promotes feelings of security and lowers stress
Sleeping with a partner promotes feelings of security and lowers stress, which has a positive impact on well-being and the health of the relationship. When you sleep next to someone you love, your stress levels reduce, leaving you refreshed for the next day. This is because sleeping with a partner can make you feel safe and secure, which helps you fall asleep more easily and gives you more time to cycle through the stages of deep, restorative sleep.
Oxytocin, also known as the "love hormone" or "cuddle chemical", is a chemical compound produced in the brain that prompts feelings of empathy, trust, relaxation, and reduced anxiety. Levels of oxytocin rise when we make physical contact with another human being. In turn, those feelings of calmness and security help you fall asleep more easily.
Over time, couples develop a shared sleep rhythm or "sleep synchrony" as they adjust to each other's natural sleep patterns and routines. This synchronization can make sleeping apart feel disruptive, as your body is used to its partner's movements, breathing rhythm, and even sounds, all of which signal safety and routine.
However, it's important to note that not everyone enjoys sharing a bed with their partner. Some people may prefer to sleep alone due to differences in sleep habits, sleep disorders, or personal preferences. It's common for couples to need to work out differences in their sleep habits, and it's possible to still reap the benefits of improved REM sleep through good sleep hygiene practices.
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A partner's snoring can make it hard to sleep
Sleeping in the same bed as your partner can have many benefits, from creating feelings of warmth and comfort to lowering stress levels and increasing oxytocin, the love hormone. However, a partner's snoring can disrupt this cosy picture, affecting the non-snoring partner's sleep, wellbeing, and even their relationship.
A survey by Sleep Foundation found that 75% of respondents who share a bed with a snorer said that the snoring impacted their sleep, and 77% said it affected their wellbeing. 44% of those sleeping with snorers reported feeling sleepy the next day, 33% felt moody or cranky, 28% lacked energy, and 23% had trouble concentrating. The louder and more frequent the snoring, the more likely it is to have these negative effects.
The impact of a partner's snoring can extend beyond the individual to the relationship itself. The same Sleep Foundation survey found that 19% of partners of habitual, loud snorers felt strain on their relationship, compared to only 9% of those sleeping with light snorers. Sleep deprivation can lead to resentment and less empathy towards your partner, and communication skills may suffer.
So, what can be done to address this issue? Dr. Omar Ahmed, a sleep medicine specialist, recommends identifying the type of snoring issue first. Sleep apnea, a potentially serious condition, is when an individual's throat closes down and breathing stops and starts repeatedly throughout the night. Primary snoring, on the other hand, is the classic loud upper airway breathing sound without any apnea. Once the type of snoring is identified, various factors can be tested, such as alcohol consumption, sleep position, and nasal congestion. Journaling can help identify patterns and find solutions.
If the snoring persists, there are strategies to minimise its impact on your sleep. Going to bed earlier than your partner, using white noise or noise-cancelling headphones, and sleeping in separate rooms on occasion can all help. While it may be challenging, addressing a partner's snoring through open communication and mutual understanding is essential for the well-being of both partners and their relationship.
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Having different sleep schedules can be challenging
When couples first move in together, they often have to adjust to sharing a bed, and this can take time. It's normal to experience a period of disrupted sleep and crankiness as you navigate this transition. The key is to be patient and work together to find solutions.
One way to tackle this is to focus on improving individual sleep quality. This can be done through mindfulness, better eating habits, reducing alcohol and nicotine consumption, and managing stress. It's also beneficial to establish a bedtime routine that works for both individuals. For example, one person might need to read for an hour before bed, while the other might prefer to go straight to sleep.
Communication and compromise are vital. Be open to adapting your preferences and making adjustments that don't significantly impact your partner. For instance, you could try earplugs or an eye mask, have separate bed coverings, or use a fan directed at only one person.
Additionally, you can try to maintain sleep synchrony by keeping consistent bedtimes and listening to similar sounds, such as white noise, to preserve a familiar rhythm that helps you both settle into sleep.
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A partner's absence can disrupt sleep routine
Sharing a bed with your significant other can create feelings of warmth and comfort. Sleeping alone, on the other hand, can feel isolating and anxiety-inducing. According to a survey by the National Sleep Foundation, 77% of American couples enjoy sleeping next to their partners. This is because couples develop a shared sleep rhythm or "sleep synchrony", where they adjust to each other's natural sleep patterns and routines. This synchronization can make sleeping apart feel disruptive, as your body gets used to your partner's movements, breathing rhythm, and even sounds, which signal safety and routine.
When your partner is away, you can try to maintain the same bedtime routine as you would if they were there. Keeping consistent bedtimes and listening to similar sounds, such as white noise, can help preserve some of this familiar rhythm, making it easier for your mind and body to settle into sleep. Having a big, comfy pillow next to you can also help you feel less alone.
Additionally, studies show that sound machines or other forms of white noise can help people fall asleep faster. Sleeping in the middle of the bed can make your bed seem smaller and give you more room to move around. A cup of chamomile tea before bed can help you relax and calm down, making it easier to fall asleep. Deep breathing exercises or meditation can also help calm your mind and reduce any anxiety you may be feeling about sleeping alone.
It is important to note that the mood of the relationship affects sleep and vice versa. Women sleep better when they have fewer negative interactions with their partners during the day, and men will have fewer negative interactions with their partners the next day if they sleep well. If you and your partner have different sleep habits, it is essential to communicate and compromise. Making personal adjustments to your sleeping environment, such as using earplugs or an eye mask, can help you both get a good night's rest without disturbing each other.
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Frequently asked questions
Sharing a bed with your partner can create feelings of warmth and comfort, and sleeping alone can feel isolating and anxiety-inducing. You may have gotten used to sleeping with your partner, and their absence can disrupt your routine.
Try maintaining the same bedtime routine as you would if your partner were there. Keep consistent bedtimes and listen to similar sounds, such as white noise, to preserve a familiar rhythm. You can also try sleeping with a big, comfy pillow to help you feel less alone.
It's important to communicate and compromise. Make personal adjustments to your sleeping environment that don't affect your partner too much, such as using earplugs or an eye mask. You can also try separate bed coverings or a fan that only hits one person.
Sleeping together can promote feelings of security, lower stress hormones, and increase oxytocin, the love hormone. Women in long-term relationships fall asleep faster and wake up less during the night than single women or those in new relationships.
Try rolling your partner onto their side, as snoring is often worse when lying on the back. You can also introduce a firmer pillow and encourage your partner to lose weight if they are overweight, stay away from allergy triggers, and avoid alcohol before sleep. If these don't work, a good pair of earplugs can be helpful.











































