Attractiveness And Sex: Can Men Sleep With Unattractive Women?

Men have reported sleeping with women they don't find attractive due to factors such as loneliness, horniness, drunkenness, and a lack of other options. Some men have also reported that their standards of attractiveness change depending on the situation, and that being drunk and horny can affect their perception of a woman's attractiveness.

The Mermaid Theory

This phenomenon has been dubbed "boat goggles" or "sand goggles", and it's not just limited to men. Women can experience the same thing, with their standards lowering after a few drinks, for example.

It's important to note that this isn't about men (or women) suddenly finding someone attractive who they previously considered a "0". It's more about their standards lowering to the point where they're willing to overlook certain traits they don't find appealing.

Alcohol can play a role in this, as it lowers inhibitions. When people are drunk, they're more likely to act on their urges without considering the long-term consequences. However, it's not always a conscious decision to ignore unattractive traits. Sometimes, it's only in the cold light of day that people realise they weren't as attracted to someone as they thought they were the night before.

So, while it may not be a case of men actively seeking out unattractive women to sleep with, the Mermaid Theory suggests that in certain situations, men's standards of attractiveness can become more flexible.

Prolonged absence of sex

It is important to remember that there is no "right" amount of sex for everyone. However, prolonged abstinence from sex can have some effects on both your body and your life.

Firstly, it is important to note that not having sex for a long time will not cause any negative physical side effects on your health. In fact, there are no physical "red flags" to look out for if you are abstinent. However, research shows that having regular sex can have health benefits, such as improved immune system function, reduced blood pressure, and a reduced risk of cardiovascular events. For men, frequent ejaculation, either with a partner or alone, has been linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer.

The absence of sex can also impact your mental health. If the abstinence is involuntary, individuals may feel negative effects on their mental health. They may feel insecure or anxious, or worry that there is something wrong with their relationship. However, these feelings can be mitigated by talking about these emotions and improving communication and intimacy in non-sexual ways, such as cuddling, kissing, and affectionate gestures.

On the other hand, for some people, abstaining from sex is important for positive mental health. People may choose to abstain from sex because they have a low sex drive, are asexual, or simply prefer not to engage in sexual activity. Abstaining from sex can bring benefits such as avoiding the risk of STIs, removing a source of anxiety, and living in accordance with one's religious beliefs.

In addition to the physical and mental health effects, prolonged abstinence from sex can impact your social life and relationships. Sex can help you feel emotionally close to your partner, leading to better communication and a happier relationship. However, not having sex with your partner can make you feel less connected and may result in a lack of support in managing day-to-day stressors.

Overall, while there are some potential health benefits to having regular sex, it is important to remember that there is no "correct" amount of sex, and abstaining from sex will not cause any negative physical side effects. The decision to engage in sexual activity or not is a personal choice, and it is essential to respect an individual's sexual identity and decisions regarding sex.

Alcohol consumption

A study by Dr Rebecca Monk and Professor Derek Heimin investigated the impact of alcohol consumption on perceptions of attractiveness. The study found that while sober participants were more distracted by attractive faces, intoxicated participants were equally distracted by both attractive and unattractive faces. This suggests that alcohol can alter one's perception of attractiveness, making even unattractive people seem beautiful.

Another study by Jana Van Den Abbeele and colleagues explored whether alcohol consumption leads to individuals being rated as more attractive. The study found that individuals who had consumed a low dose of alcohol were rated as more attractive than sober individuals. Interestingly, this effect was not observed for individuals who had consumed a high dose of alcohol. The mechanism behind this phenomenon may be related to the vasodilatory effect of alcohol, which can cause mild flushing and increased skin redness, which is associated with health and attractiveness.

It is important to note that the effects of alcohol on attractiveness perception may only occur within a narrow window of consumption, as higher doses of alcohol may reverse this effect. Additionally, the impact of alcohol on attractiveness may be influenced by other factors such as facial expression and mood.

While alcohol may alter one's perception of attractiveness, it is important to note that it does not change the physical appearance of an individual. The perception of attractiveness is highly subjective and can be influenced by a variety of factors beyond physical appearance, such as personality, confidence, and social context.

Self-esteem and confidence

Recognise Your Strengths and Positives:

Identify your strengths and the things you are good at. This could be cooking, singing, puzzles, or being a good friend. Write down at least five positive things about yourself and add to the list regularly. Keep the list visible as a reminder of your strengths and positive attributes.

Build Positive Relationships:

Surround yourself with people who are supportive, uplifting, and accepting. Spend time with individuals who make you feel good about yourself and want the best for you. Positive relationships can boost your confidence and help you feel valued.

Challenge Negative Thoughts:

Identify and challenge negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself. For example, if you think you are "too stupid" to apply for a new job, ask yourself when you first started thinking this way and write down evidence that contradicts this belief. Learning to be assertive and say "no" can also boost your self-esteem by showing that you value and respect yourself.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others:

Avoid comparing yourself to others, especially on social media, as it can negatively impact your self-esteem. Remember that people often present a curated version of their lives online, and life is not a competition. Focus on your unique strengths and celebrate your successes, no matter how small.

Practice Self-Care:

Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for building self-esteem. Eat healthily, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and practice meditation or mindfulness to improve your overall well-being and boost your confidence.

Set Realistic Goals and Challenges:

Set small, achievable goals for yourself and gradually take on new challenges. For example, you could join an exercise class, volunteer for a cause you care about, or learn a new hobby. Achieving these goals will help increase your self-esteem and build confidence.

Seek Professional Help:

If your low self-esteem is severely impacting your life, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. They can provide additional strategies and support to improve your self-esteem and confidence.

Improving self-esteem and confidence takes time and consistent effort. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and remember that everyone has different strengths and experiences.

Lack of inhibition

Alcohol is a common factor in lowering inhibitions. As one person describes, "alcohol lowers inhibition. You don't actually 'drink someone pretty' or see them any differently, you just care a lot less than you normally would about who you'd hook up with." Another person adds, "being drunk and on a dry spell is like grocery shopping when you're hungry."

The phenomenon is not limited to alcohol, though. One person describes how, after 16 months without sex, they would be "getting it whenever [they] wanted it." Another person describes the "Mermaid Theory," where a woman who is usually a "4" becomes an "8" after five months at sea.

The lack of inhibition can also be influenced by the setting or context. For example, one person observes that in bars and nightclubs, only the hot girls are initially approached, but as the night progresses and closing time nears, less attractive women start getting hit on, and by 1 am, even the ugliest woman will have guys hitting on them.

In summary, a lack of inhibition can cause men to sleep with women they don't find attractive. This lack of inhibition can be caused by alcohol or other substances, prolonged periods of abstinence, or specific contexts or settings that encourage impulsive behaviour.

Frequently asked questions