Herbie Murray
Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that enables children to regulate their emotions. It is a life skill that develops over time, and every child can learn how to self-soothe with the right guidance. Self-soothing is different from self-settling, which is when a child wakes up and falls back to sleep without assistance from a parent or caregiver. While self-soothing is a skill that can be taught, it is important to note that newborns and young children are developmentally unable to regulate their emotional state and rely on their primary caregivers to help them identify and process their emotions. On average, children begin to demonstrate self-soothing behaviors between three to four months old, although this may vary depending on the child.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Self-soothing | Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that children use to regulate their emotions. |
| Self-settling | Self-settling is a cognitive skill that enables children to fall back to sleep without assistance from a parent or caregiver. |
| Self-soothing and self-settling are different | Self-soothing is closely related to sensory preferences. Self-soothing is comforting and all children can learn how to self-soothe with the right guidance. |
| Self-soothing techniques | Bringing a hand to the mouth, rocking the head back and forth, stroking the ears or nose, holding hands together, looking, listening, or touching preferred stimuli (toys, blanket, pacifier, etc.). |
| Self-soothing and co-regulation | Infants and young children are developmentally unable to regulate their emotional state and rely on their primary caregivers to help them identify and process their emotions. |
| Self-soothing and sleep | Babies who can self-soothe sleep for longer periods and have longer total sleep times at night. |
| Self-soothing and sleep associations | Babies who fall asleep somewhere safe and familiar, like their cot, and then wake in the same place are more likely to self-soothe. |
| Self-soothing and age | On average, children begin to demonstrate self-soothing behaviours between three to four months old. |
| Self-soothing and separation anxiety | Helping children learn how to self-soothe before separation anxiety kicks in (usually around eight to nine months) will enable them to have a better chance of a good night's sleep. |
| Self-soothing and safety | Red Nose Australia recommends sleeping in the same room as your child for the first six to 12 months to reduce the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). |
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What You'll Learn
Self-soothing vs self-settling
Self-soothing and self-settling are distinct concepts, and both are important life skills that children can develop with the right support. Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that enables children to regulate their emotions. It is closely related to sensory preferences and tends to be habitual in nature. On the other hand, self-settling is a cognitive skill that allows children to fall back asleep without assistance from a parent or caregiver.
Self-soothing
Self-soothing is the ability to regulate emotions, and it is a skill that develops over time, from childhood to adulthood. It is a social-emotional skill that children use to manage their emotions and is often related to sensory preferences. Common self-soothing behaviours in infants include bringing their hand to their mouth, rocking their head back and forth, stroking their ears or nose, and holding their hands together. Older children may self-soothe by focusing on preferred stimuli such as toys, blankets, or pacifiers.
Self-settling
Self-settling is when a child wakes up and falls back asleep without assistance. It is a cognitive skill that is often the goal of sleep training, aiming to teach children to calm themselves without parental input overnight. Common self-settling techniques include the 'pick-up, put-down settling method' and the 'shush-pat settling method'.
Development and Sleep
On average, children begin to demonstrate self-soothing behaviours between three to four months old, coinciding with the maturation of their sleep cycles. By six months, most infants can sleep for approximately eight hours without feeding. Teaching self-soothing before separation anxiety (around eight to nine months) can help with sleep.
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Self-soothing and sensory preferences
While self-soothing and self-settling are often used interchangeably, they are distinct processes. Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that enables children to regulate their emotions. Self-settling, on the other hand, is a cognitive skill that helps children fall back to sleep without assistance from a caregiver. Both skills develop over time, and every child can learn them with the right support.
Self-soothing is closely linked to sensory preferences. Sensory soothers are unique to each individual and can significantly impact their nervous system, emotions, and overall well-being. They can be incorporated into daily routines to cultivate greater sensory regulation and resilience.
Sensory soothers can take the form of various strategies, activities, and items that actively calm the senses. For example, sensory self-soothing kits are designed to cater to each of the five senses, helping individuals feel grounded and calm in challenging environments. These kits can include a variety of items, such as those from a sensory soothers checklist, to meet specific sensory needs and preferences.
The process of creating a sensory self-soothing kit involves reflecting on one's sensory preferences and selecting items that resonate and help regulate the nervous system. These kits can be tailored to individuals of all ages, from infants to older children and adults, to provide comfort and support during times of sensory overload.
In summary, self-soothing is a crucial skill for children's emotional development, and understanding their sensory preferences is essential for providing the right tools and environment to support their self-soothing journey.
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Sleep associations
Positive sleep associations are those that help your baby fall asleep and can be easily recreated or maintained. For example, putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake can help them associate falling asleep with being in bed alone, which is a positive sleep association because it encourages self-soothing. Other positive sleep associations include a dark room, white noise, swaddling, or a sleeping bag. These associations can help your baby relax and fall asleep more easily.
On the other hand, negative sleep associations are those that may hinder your baby's ability to self-soothe and regulate their sleep. For instance, if your baby relies on being rocked or fed to fall asleep, they may struggle to fall back asleep if they wake up in the middle of the night without those same conditions. While it's perfectly fine to rock or feed your baby to sleep if that's what works for both of you, it's important to be mindful of the potential impact on their sleep independence.
It's worth noting that sleep associations are highly individualised, and what works for one baby may not work for another. As your baby grows and develops, their sleep associations may also change. Therefore, it's essential to remain flexible and adapt to their changing needs. Additionally, it's important to remember that self-soothing is a skill that develops over time, and it's normal for babies to need hands-on assistance in the first few months.
To foster healthy sleep associations and self-soothing skills, you can start by creating a safe and comfortable sleeping environment for your baby. Establish a bedtime routine that includes soothing activities such as reading a book or singing a lullaby. You can also introduce techniques like the "pick-up, put-down settling method" or the "shush-pat settling method". Most importantly, give your baby time to settle and respond to their cries or distress, as ignoring their needs can be detrimental to their well-being.
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Self-soothing and co-regulation
Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that children use to regulate their emotions. It is a life skill that develops over time. Self-soothing is different from self-settling, which is when a child wakes up and falls back to sleep without assistance from a parent or caregiver. While self-soothing is a skill that can be learned over time, it is important to note that newborns and infants are typically not capable of self-soothing due to their brain development stage.
Co-regulation
Co-regulation is the process where an adult helps a baby manage their emotions, behaviours, and stress. It involves providing comfort, soothing, and stability to help the baby feel secure and learn to regulate their emotions. This is especially important in the early years when a baby's brain is still developing and they are not yet equipped for self-soothing. Responsive parenting and co-regulation are crucial for infants to develop emotional stability.
Techniques for self-soothing and co-regulation
There are various techniques that caregivers can use to help babies with self-soothing and co-regulation. These include:
- Establishing a bedtime routine that the baby responds well to, such as the 'pick-up, put-down settling method' or the 'shush-pat settling method'.
- Using swaddle wraps or transition suits to help the baby feel secure and comfortable.
- Allowing older babies to sleep with a security object, such as a blanket or soft toy.
- Providing comfort and responding to the baby's cues when they cry or seem scared.
Timing of self-soothing
It is important to note that the ability to self-soothe varies among babies. While some babies may start to self-soothe as early as one week old, others may take several months to develop this skill. On average, babies begin to demonstrate self-soothing behaviours between three to four months old, as their sleep cycles mature. By six months, most infants can sleep for approximately eight hours without needing to feed.
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Self-soothing and sleep maturation
Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that enables children to regulate their emotions. It is a life skill that develops over time and with the right guidance, all children can learn how to self-soothe. Self-soothing is closely related to sensory preferences, and infants often self-soothe by bringing their hands to their mouths, rocking their heads, stroking their ears or nose, or holding their hands together.
Self-soothing is different from self-settling, which refers to a child's ability to fall back to sleep without assistance from a parent or caregiver. In the first few months, most babies require hands-on assistance, such as shushing, rocking, or holding, to fall asleep. However, around the four-to-five-month mark, a baby's circadian rhythm matures, leading to changes in their sleep patterns. This is a crucial time to introduce self-settling techniques, as it will help your child fall back to sleep without assistance during the night.
On average, children begin to demonstrate self-soothing behaviours between three to four months old, coinciding with the maturation of their sleep cycles. By six months, most infants can sleep for approximately eight hours without needing to feed. Teaching your child to self-soothe before separation anxiety sets in (usually around eight to nine months) can help them develop better sleep habits.
To promote self-soothing and sleep maturation, it is important to establish a safe and familiar sleep environment, such as a cot, and a consistent bedtime routine. Putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake can help them associate falling asleep with being in bed alone and foster self-soothing abilities. Additionally, creating distinctions between night and day, such as keeping the room dark and quiet at night, can help your baby understand that night-time is for sleeping.
While self-soothing and self-settling are important for a child's development, it is normal for newborns to depend on caregivers for settling and sleep. Before three months old, babies do not develop habits or expectations, so there is no risk of establishing bad sleep habits by providing assistance. As your baby grows and their sleep patterns mature, you can gradually introduce self-soothing and self-settling techniques to promote their independence and improve their sleep quality.
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Frequently asked questions
Self-soothing is a social-emotional skill that children use to regulate their emotions. It is a life skill that will continue to develop over time.
In the early days, a newborn cannot voluntarily control their hands or movements enough to self-soothe. They will depend on their caregiver to help settle them to sleep. However, some newborns may exhibit self-soothing behaviours, such as sucking on their fingers and rubbing their faces.
On average, children begin to demonstrate self-soothing behaviours between three to four months old. By this time, their sleep cycles have started to mature, and they may be able to fall back to sleep between REM and non-REM stages.
You can help your baby self-soothe by creating a safe sleeping environment, establishing a bedtime routine, and using settling techniques such as the "pick-up, put-down settling method" or the "shush-pat settling method". Putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake can also help them associate falling asleep with being in bed alone and foster self-soothing.
Babies who can self-soothe tend to sleep for longer periods and have longer total sleep times at night. Self-soothing can also help toddlers manage their tantrums and older children to be less impulsive and concentrate better in school.
