Colin Snow
Sleeping alone may be better for you if you prioritise sleep quality over proximity to a partner. Research suggests that sleeping separately can be beneficial for couples who want to improve their sleep. This phenomenon, known as a sleep divorce, is becoming increasingly common, with up to a third of couples in the US choosing separate sleeping arrangements. While some people may struggle with sleeping alone due to safety concerns or a fear of missing out on physical affection, others may find that it improves their emotional energy, relationship satisfaction, and overall sleep quality. Ultimately, the decision to sleep together or apart should be based on a couple's unique needs and preferences.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Improved sleep quality | No disruptions from a partner's snoring, blanket stealing, or sleep kicking |
| More comfortable sleeping environment | Control over factors such as temperature, lighting, and noise |
| Increased emotional energy | More appreciation for your partner |
| Improved relationship satisfaction | More closeness and connection |
| Enhanced security | Less fear and anxiety |
| Better mental health | Lower depression scores and higher life satisfaction |
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What You'll Learn
You can create your ideal sleeping environment
While some people may prefer sleeping with a partner, family member, or pet, there are several reasons why some people sleep better when they are alone. For instance, having separate bedrooms can give you the emotional energy to love and appreciate your partner more when you are together. Sleeping alone can also be beneficial if you have different sleep preferences from your partner, such as a preference for a dark and quiet room, or if your partner snores or kicks a lot in their sleep.
If you are one of those people who sleep better alone, here are some tips for creating your ideal sleeping environment:
- Make your home feel more secure. If your difficulty sleeping alone stems from a fear of safety, work on making your home feel more secure. You can invest in home security systems, cameras, and smart locks to give yourself a better sense of security at night.
- Establish a sense of safety at night. Create a ritual that establishes a sense of safety at night. You might check your doors, call or text a friend, and remind yourself that everything is secure before getting into bed.
- Practice relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques can be beneficial for all sleepers, but especially those who experience anxiety around sleeping alone. When bedtime arrives, practice deep breathing exercises or progressive muscle relaxation. Experiment with aromatherapy or listen to soothing music.
- Start a journal. If you find your thoughts racing at night, start a journal. You can jot down your worries in there, releasing them from your mind so your brain can go to sleep worry-free. If worrying is keeping you up at night, consider carving out some "worry time" in your day when you can journal your concerns.
- Create a bedtime routine that makes you look forward to bed. Save some favorite activities for bedtime, such as reading a novel, listening to a podcast, or coloring. Get yourself in the mood for bed with a luxurious, calming bath or light some candles.
- Give your bedroom a makeover. Decorate your bedroom with a new paint color, artwork, or anything else that makes you feel happy, calm, and safe.
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You can develop a bedtime routine that suits you
A good night's sleep is essential for maintaining good physical and mental health. A daily bedtime routine can help create habits that tell your brain it is time to get ready for bed. This can be a series of activities that you do in the half hour to an hour before bedtime.
Firstly, decide on a bedtime and wake-up time that works for your schedule and stick to it every day, even on weekends. Following a consistent sleep schedule helps train your brain to naturally feel tired at bedtime.
Next, schedule a time to begin your bedtime routine every night, anywhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours before bed. You can start by putting away electronics. The blue light produced by electronic devices can confuse your brain, which associates this light with daytime. If you must use your phone, turn on the red-light filter. Instead of scrolling through social media or playing games, you can use this time to connect with loved ones. Generating positive emotions just before bed can put you in a better mood, helping you feel more relaxed when it’s time for bed.
You can also practice mindfulness meditation by focusing on your thoughts and feelings without judging them. Deep breathing and visualization are other forms of meditation that can help calm your mind. Reading a book with a simple plot in soft lamp light can also promote healthy sleep.
If you're feeling hungry, eat a light snack. Hunger can stimulate your brain and disrupt your sleep, but heavy meals and snacks right before bed can also interfere with your sleep. Cherries, grapes, kiwi, rice, and nuts have all been shown to help people sleep. Non-caffeinated herbal teas with chamomile or lavender are another nice way to calm the mind and induce sleep.
Finally, don't forget to practice good bedtime hygiene. Washing your face and taking a hot bath can be relaxing, especially with scented candles. Brush your teeth for two minutes, focusing on the sensation of the bristles on your teeth and the taste of the toothpaste. Remind yourself of everything your teeth do for you.
Remember, the key to a good bedtime routine is making it a habit. It may take a few weeks or even a couple of months for your body to adjust to a new routine.
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You can feel more secure and relaxed
Feeling secure and relaxed is essential for a good night's sleep. When sleeping alone, you can create a soothing environment tailored to your preferences. This can include factors such as lighting, temperature, and noise levels. For example, if you prefer a dark and quiet room, you can control these conditions without worrying about disrupting your partner's sleep habits.
Sleeping alone also allows you to develop a bedtime routine that suits your needs. You can incorporate activities that help you relax, such as reading a novel, listening to soothing music, or practicing deep breathing exercises. Additionally, you can establish a sense of safety by investing in home security systems or performing nightly rituals like checking doors and windows before bed.
For those who struggle with anxiety or grief, talk therapy can be beneficial. Cognitive behavioural therapy, for instance, can help address insomnia and anxiety disorders. Journaling is another effective way to manage worries and clear your mind before sleep. By writing down your concerns earlier in the day, you can reduce their impact on your sleep.
Sleeping alone provides the freedom to customize your sleeping environment and routine, fostering a sense of security and relaxation. This, in turn, can lead to improved sleep quality and overall well-being.
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You can have more energy for your partner when you're awake
While sleeping with a partner can have benefits, such as reducing sleep apnea risk and insomnia severity, it can also lead to a poorer quality of sleep due to factors like sleep kicking, snoring, or different sleep preferences.
Sleeping alone can provide individuals with the emotional energy to love and appreciate their partners more when they are awake and together. It allows them to have their preferred sleeping environment, which can include factors such as temperature, noise, lighting, and blanket usage. For example, one person may prefer a fan blowing on them while they sleep, while the other may find that too much sensation. Similarly, one person may prefer to sleep with the television on, while the other may prefer a dark and quiet room.
Additionally, sleeping alone can provide individuals with more personal space and time to relax without disturbing or being disturbed by their partner. It can also lead to more intentional and meaningful moments of connection and closeness, such as pillow talk and whispered "I love you"s, when they do choose to sleep together or spend time together.
Furthermore, having separate bedrooms can help maintain a sense of mystery and excitement in a relationship, as individuals can create their own rituals and routines before bed, fostering independence and a sense of individuality within the relationship.
While sleeping alone can provide these benefits, it is important to remember that the decision to sleep together or apart should be based on a couple's unique needs and preferences, with constant communication being key to ensuring a mutually beneficial arrangement.
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You can practice self-care techniques to improve your sleep
While some people may sleep better together, there are many who prefer sleeping alone. For instance, sleeping alone can give you the emotional energy to love and appreciate your partner. It can also help you avoid distractions like snoring or blanket stealing, and allow you to have your preferred sleeping environment.
If you're experiencing sleep problems, there are several self-care techniques you can try to improve your sleep:
- Establish a routine: Try to go to bed only when you feel like you'll fall asleep within 15 minutes or so, no matter what time of night it is, and then get up at the same time every day.
- Create a comfortable sleeping environment: Make your sleeping area more comfortable by dimming the lights and keeping away from bright lights, especially from electronic devices, as they can decrease melatonin production.
- Relax: Instead of forcing yourself to sleep, try doing something relaxing in bed, like meditation, mindfulness, or paced breathing. These relaxation techniques can help put you in the right mindset for bed.
- Manage stress: Stress can prevent sleep. Try different techniques to reduce stress, such as prioritising tasks, delegating responsibilities, writing down your thoughts, and setting boundaries to keep evenings stress-free.
- Avoid certain foods: Caffeine and sugar can affect your sleep. It's also best to avoid eating large meals right before going to bed.
- Exercise: Physical activity, including gentle exercises, can help you sleep. However, avoid exercising too close to bedtime, as it may make you feel more awake.
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Frequently asked questions
Sleeping alone can be beneficial for a number of reasons. Firstly, it allows you to create your preferred sleeping environment, which is important for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). For example, you can control factors such as lighting, temperature, and noise levels to suit your personal preferences. Sleeping alone can also reduce sleep disruptions caused by a partner's snoring, sleep kicking, or different sleep schedules. Additionally, having your own space can give you the emotional energy to appreciate and connect with your partner when you are together.
If you're having difficulty sleeping alone, there are several strategies you can try. Firstly, address any underlying issues that may be causing your sleep difficulties, such as grief, phobias, or anxiety disorders, through talk therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy. If you feel anxious about your safety, work on making your home more secure and establish a bedtime ritual that makes you feel safe. Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, aromatherapy, or listening to soothing music, can also help you feel calmer and more relaxed at bedtime.
Sleeping with a romantic partner can have several benefits for sleep health. It can reduce the risk of sleep apnea and insomnia severity and improve overall sleep quality. Cuddling and non-sexual physical touch can increase oxytocin levels, promoting feelings of relaxation and improving sleep quality. Sleeping with a partner can also provide emotional security and relieve stress, which can lead to better sleep. Journaling worries and open communication with your partner can also help address anxiety and improve sleep quality.
