Ashwin Lewis
Sleep training is a common practice for parents to help their babies sleep independently and develop healthy sleep habits. While some parents opt for the controversial cry it out method, there are alternative gentle sleep training approaches that can effectively teach babies to sleep without crying. Gentle sleep training advocates believe that it is natural for babies to seek closeness with their parents and that crying it out may not teach them to self-soothe. Instead, gentle methods focus on creating a consistent and peaceful bedtime routine, gradually adjusting bedtime, and teaching babies to fall asleep independently within a familiar environment. These methods may take more time and patience but can be just as effective in the long term, resulting in better sleep for both parents and babies.
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What You'll Learn
Establish a consistent bedtime routine
Establishing a consistent bedtime routine is an essential aspect of sleep training. It involves doing the same set of activities each night to help your baby associate the routine with sleeping. This can include activities such as:
- A warm bath to help the baby wind down.
- A lotion massage to relax the baby and provide multi-sensory cues like touch and smell.
- Getting into pyjamas and brushing teeth.
- A bedtime feeding.
- Verbal reminders that it is bedtime.
By following a consistent bedtime routine, your baby will find it easier to settle and fall asleep due to the repetition of the routine. It is important to note that the specific activities included in the routine may vary depending on the age and needs of the baby. For example, older babies or toddlers may benefit from additional activities such as reading a bedtime story or singing lullabies.
In addition to the bedtime routine, it is also crucial to maintain a consistent bedtime. This means putting your baby in their crib at their regularly scheduled bedtime, even if they are still awake. This helps reinforce the association between the bedtime routine and falling asleep.
The key to successful sleep training is patience and consistency. It may take some time for your baby to adjust to the new routine, but with perseverance, they will eventually learn to fall asleep independently and sleep through the night. Remember that it is normal for there to be setbacks, and you may need to adjust your approach accordingly.
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Teach your baby to self-soothe
It is biologically normal for babies to struggle to fall asleep and go back to sleep on their own without their parents. In the early days, babies can't control their movements to self-soothe, so they need you to rock, pat, sing and carry them to sleep. However, as they approach the 12-week mark, you can start to teach them to sleep on their own.
How to teach your baby to self-soothe
Firstly, it's important to understand that helping your baby fall asleep independently is something you can practice, but not force. Some babies will prefer to fall asleep on their own, while others will need more intervention.
One way to help your baby sleep independently is to expose them to their crib/bassinet during their awake periods, so they don't associate it only with being separated from you. You could place them in their crib with age-appropriate toys while you fold laundry or clean their room.
Another method is to lay your baby down awake, soothe them for a few moments, and then take a seat in a rocking chair or leave the room to see how they respond. If they are hanging out, babbling, and not escalating, there is no need to intervene. However, if they are crying and escalating, then intervene after a few minutes, or sooner if they are hysterical.
You can also try adding white noise, such as the hum of a fan or a radio set to static. This can be faded out over time once your baby begins to sleep more predictably.
Remember, sleep training involves setting up a consistent routine and teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own. Doing the same bedtime routine each night before your baby falls asleep will help them associate the routine with sleeping.
Finally, allow some time – even just a minute or two – between hearing your baby cry and rushing in to comfort them. Waiting gives your baby a chance to start calming themselves down, a key part of learning to self-soothe.
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Avoid sleep training during life transitions
Avoid sleep training during major life transitions. For example, if your child has just started daycare, you've moved to a new house, or they've begun teething, it's best to hold off on sleep training. If you rush into their room whenever they cry during these periods of adjustment, sleep training will likely take longer. It's beneficial to give them some space to settle themselves. In the end, you might be rewarded with your baby sleeping through the night.
It's important to remember that sleep training is a process that requires time and patience. The "cry it out" method, where parents leave the room after putting their baby in the crib and stay out, may not be suitable for everyone. It can be challenging for parents to listen to their little ones cry, but it's essential to remind yourself that the end goal of more sleep will benefit the entire family.
There are gentler approaches to sleep training that can help your baby sleep well and be more self-sufficient without leaving them to cry. These methods focus on consistency and creating a peaceful bedtime routine. For example, you can introduce a warm bath every night to help your baby wind down and give them a lotion massage to relax their senses. Following a set routine, such as putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, and bidding goodnight, can help your baby associate these activities with sleeping.
Additionally, white noise can be a helpful tool during sleep training. The hum of a fan, air conditioner, or radio static can soothe infants and can be gradually faded out as your baby starts sleeping more predictably. While it may take some trial and error to find the right approach, remember that there are ways to teach your baby to sleep without crying it out.
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Try the 'pick up, put down' method
The pick-up, put-down method is a gentle sleep training approach that encourages lots of parental support to get your baby used to falling asleep independently without excessive crying. It is a gradual process that can take a few weeks to work.
Night 1:
Follow your regular bedtime routine. This may include a final feeding, a bath, books, and a lullaby. Put your baby down when they are drowsy but still awake. If they start to fuss, wait a bit before you go back into their room. Hold and reassure your baby until they settle down or stop crying, but before they fall asleep. Then, place them back in their crib.
Night 2:
Repeat the steps of night 1 with one difference: add 2 minutes to your wait period before re-entering your baby's room if they protest.
Night 3 and beyond:
Keep adding 2 minutes to your wait period each night. By adding time to your "wait time" each night, you are giving your baby an opportunity to self-soothe and get used to falling asleep on their own.
Tips:
- Generally, you should avoid holding your baby until they fall asleep. This is a habit you are trying to break with the pick-up, put-down method.
- If your baby repeatedly falls asleep during the "pick-up" part, try another method such as the chair method, which involves sitting near the crib until your baby falls asleep without picking them up.
- This approach may be over-stimulating and confusing for the child. It may be harder for a child who is used to being held or fed to sleep, as they may feel that the original expectation will be reintroduced each time they are picked up.
- A less confusing and stimulating approach might be to support your baby physically, such as by stroking and rubbing them while in the cot, and verbally reassuring them.
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Try the 'chair method'
The chair method is a sleep training technique that involves gradually reducing your presence in your child's room until they fall asleep on their own. This method is ideal for parents who want to help their child learn how to self-soothe without leaving them alone to cry it out. It is a slightly more gentle method that allows parents to be present and reassuring while their child learns to fall asleep independently. It is also a good choice for children who are easily comforted by their parents' presence and may have difficulty falling asleep without it.
To implement the chair method, set up a chair next to your child's cot or bed as they fall asleep. If necessary, you can offer verbal reassurance or light patting. Over the next few nights, gradually move the chair further away from the cot or bed. You can continue to offer verbal reassurance, but try to do so less often than before. Eventually, you will move the chair outside of the room but still remain in view. As you move further away, delay your responses to your child more and more.
The challenging part of the chair method is that your child will likely still cry. This is because you are there the entire time, and they might put up a fight to get back into bed with you or get you to rock them to sleep. If a parent can soothe verbally or with some light patting (and can tolerate the tears), the chair method may work well. With practice and patience, your child will realize that it's time to lie quietly and sleep.
The chair method may not be suitable for all children, especially those with severe separation anxiety. If your child becomes more upset or overstimulated when you are present in the room during sleep training, this method may not be the best choice. Additionally, if your child has any medical conditions that require more frequent check-ins or attention, the chair method may not be a good fit.
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Frequently asked questions
Gentle sleep training methods include the pick-up, put-down method, where the baby is soothed for a short time and then left alone before falling asleep. Another method is the chair method, where a caregiver sits near the crib until the baby falls asleep, then moves the chair further away each night. A third option is to create a consistent bedtime routine to help the baby associate the routine with sleeping.
It is recommended to avoid sleep training during major life transitions, such as starting daycare or teething, as it may be less successful. Instead, try a gentle approach such as the "camping out" method, where the parent sleeps next to the baby's crib, or parental education about baby sleep.
It is important to have a consistent bedtime routine and teach the baby to fall asleep on their own. White noise can also be helpful, as it can be faded out over time. Additionally, it is recommended to put the baby down in their crib while they are still awake to help them learn to fall asleep independently.
Yes, Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" provides gentle ways to help babies sleep through the night. She has also written a book specifically for toddlers and preschoolers called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers".
