Gina Johnson
Sleeping alone can be challenging for many people, especially those who are used to sharing a bed with their partner. The absence of a partner's physical presence can disrupt sleep routines and cause feelings of isolation and anxiety. This phenomenon is known as separation anxiety, and it can make falling asleep difficult. To improve sleep when alone, individuals can try relaxation techniques, create a comforting bedtime routine, use body pillows or weighted blankets, or seek support from a therapist to address underlying issues such as anxiety or grief.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Emotional causes | Anxiety, nightmares, grief, hormones, and habit |
| Fear | Somniphobia, fear of bad dreams, fear of something bad happening while asleep |
| Safety | Lack of feeling safe being alone at night |
| Physical causes | Absence of oxytocin |
| Solutions | Therapy, meditation, mindfulness, relaxation techniques, sleeping with a body pillow, sleeping with a pet, predictable nighttime routine, sleep apps, aromatherapy, soothing music, journaling, exposure to the feeling of sleeping alone |
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What You'll Learn
Create a comforting bedtime routine
Creating a comforting bedtime routine can be an effective way to ease the anxiety and stress of sleeping alone without your boyfriend. A predictable nighttime routine can help relax your body and mind, aiding in falling asleep more quickly and sleeping more deeply. Here are some tips to create a comforting bedtime routine:
- Start winding down 30 to 60 minutes before bed. During this time, you can read, journal, practice mindfulness, or listen to a podcast to help quiet your mind.
- Practice relaxation techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery. These techniques can promote relaxation and reduce anxiety before bed.
- Try meditation or a sleep app. Meditation apps are designed to promote self-awareness and prepare your body for quality sleep.
- Consider sleeping with a body pillow or a weighted blanket. Cuddling a body pillow or using a weighted blanket can provide a sense of physical comfort and security, mimicking the feeling of hugging your partner.
- Take a warm bath before bed. A warm bath can be relaxing and help trigger a sense of relaxation, similar to the effects of oxytocin released during physical closeness.
- Stimulate oxytocin independently. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes feelings of love, relaxation, and stress reduction. Try to find simple ways to boost oxytocin levels, such as engaging in activities that make you feel loved and comfortable.
- Focus on positive thoughts and affirmations. Reflect on the people you love, special memories, and things you are grateful for. Envision places or situations where you feel comfortable and secure, such as laying on a beach and listening to the waves.
- Include your pet in your bedtime routine. Sleeping with a pet can provide a sense of protection, reduce stress levels, and offer physical warmth and comfort.
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Try a meditation or sleep app
Sleep and meditation apps are designed to promote self-awareness and prepare your body for quality sleep. They can be especially useful for creating the feeling of having someone else in bed with you. While a sleep app won't cure grief or anxiety, it can help calm your mind.
Meditation and sleep apps often feature guided meditations that use the spoken word to guide you through a relaxing exercise. Many apps also contain a library of soothing sounds and music. Some apps, like Pzizz, use a playlist of sounds, spoken segments, and music, which it calls dreamscapes. The playlist is tailored to the user and changes every night. Pzizz also has a nap setting with spoken instructions and music, and a focus setting with sounds that aim to boost productivity. Pzizz is available in a free version and a pro version, which costs $7.99 per month or $49.99 per year.
Calm is another popular meditation and sleep app. It features 500+ Sleep Stories®, soundscapes, and guided sleep meditations. Calm also offers a 60-second Breathe Bubble exercise to help your body return to a state of relaxation, and stress and burnout specialists to guide you through exercises to calm your mind. Calm is available on iOS, Android, Web, Apple TV, Apple Watch, Google WearOS, Samsung Health, Samsung TV, and Sonos. It offers a 7-day free trial, after which the app automatically enrolls users in Calm Premium for $69.99 a year, or a one-time payment of $399.99 for a lifetime subscription.
Headspace is another option for a meditation and sleep app. It features 1,000+ expert-led exercises, including mood-boosting meditations, stress-relieving tools, and sleepcasts. Headspace is available on Apple and Android devices and offers monthly and annual subscription plans, as well as student and family plans.
Meditation & Relaxation Pro is a good option for those new to meditation, with a 7-day program to introduce mindfulness techniques. The app is free, but users must pay a monthly or annual subscription starting from $4.99 per month to access all content.
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Sleep with a body pillow
Sleeping without your partner can be challenging for many couples. The absence of their physical presence can disrupt your routine and make you feel isolated and anxious. If you're missing your boyfriend and finding it difficult to sleep alone, one solution is to sleep with a body pillow.
A body pillow allows you to snuggle up against something solid and comfortable. Physically hugging a body pillow can help you feel relaxed and secure, making it easier to drift off to sleep. It can provide a sense of comfort and safety, which may be especially beneficial if you experience nightmares, anxiety, or grief.
The physical closeness of a partner releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of love, relaxation, and stress reduction. When sleeping with a partner becomes a regular occurrence, the body begins to associate these comforting effects of oxytocin with bedtime. This is why sleeping alone can be challenging. Body pillows can help stimulate oxytocin independently, providing a sense of relaxation similar to that provided by a partner.
If you're considering sleeping with a body pillow, it's important to note that it may take some time to adjust. Your body may be used to your partner's movements, breathing rhythm, and sounds, which all contribute to a sense of safety and routine. Gradually introducing a body pillow can help you get accustomed to sleeping with it. Additionally, maintaining a consistent bedtime routine, such as taking a warm bath, reading a book, or listening to calming music, can further enhance the comforting effects of the body pillow and improve your overall sleep quality.
While sleeping with a body pillow can be a great solution for some people, it's important to remember that everyone's needs and preferences are unique. Some people may find that sleeping with a body pillow doesn't fully replicate the feeling of sleeping next to their partner. It may take some experimentation to find the right combination of strategies that work best for you, such as trying different types of pillows, incorporating other comfort items, or seeking professional advice if underlying issues like anxiety or grief are affecting your sleep.
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Consider sleeping with a pet
Sleeping alone without your boyfriend can be challenging. Once couples fall into a routine of sleeping together every night, sleeping apart can throw off your routine and feel isolating or even anxiety-inducing.
If you're missing the physical warmth of your boyfriend, you might consider sleeping with a pet. Many people claim that sleeping with their pet benefits their sleep, and research has found that the presence of a pet can reduce anxiety and loneliness, ease symptoms of mental health conditions, help regulate emotions, and add to a sense of purpose and meaning in life. A pet can offer a sense of protection, and the physical touch of a pet can promote tranquility and ease the mind.
However, it's important to note that sleeping with a pet may not be a good idea for everyone. Some people may find that their pet disrupts their sleep, especially if the pet moves around a lot or sleeps in the bed with them. Additionally, sharing a bed with a pet may trigger allergies or make it harder to regulate body temperature.
Ultimately, the decision to sleep with a pet is a personal one, and it's important to consider the unique circumstances of both the person and the pet. If you decide to sleep with a pet, it's recommended to keep them off the bed and have them sleep on a dog bed beside you instead.
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Practice deep breathing exercises
If you're struggling to fall asleep without your boyfriend, you're not alone. Many people experience a form of separation anxiety when they have to sleep alone after becoming accustomed to their partner's nightly presence. This can cause feelings of unease and anxiety, making it challenging to fall asleep without their comforting presence.
Deep breathing exercises can help calm your mind and reduce any anxiety you may be feeling about sleeping alone. Here are some techniques to try:
Diaphragmatic breathing
Also known as belly breathing, this technique can reduce stress and increase relaxation. It can also strengthen the diaphragm and improve the efficiency of your breathing. To try diaphragmatic breathing, lie down and place one hand on your upper chest and the other hand just below your rib cage. Breathe in through your nose, so your belly pushes against your hand.
Three-part breathing
Take a long, deep inhale. Exhale fully while focusing on your body and how it feels. After a few times, slow down your exhale so that it's twice as long as your inhale.
Bhramari pranayama
Close your eyes and breathe deeply in and out. Cover your ears with your hands, placing your index fingers above your eyebrows and the rest of your fingers over your eyes. Gently press on the sides of your nose and focus on your brow area. Keep your mouth closed and breathe out slowly through your nose, making an "Om" sound. Repeat this process five times. Research has shown that this technique can quickly reduce your breathing and heart rate, helping to calm your body and prepare for sleep.
Alternate nostril breathing
Sit with your legs crossed and place your left hand on your knee. Exhale fully, then close your right nostril with your right thumb. Inhale through your left nostril, then open your right nostril and close your left. Exhale through your right nostril, then inhale through it. Continue this rotation for five minutes, finishing by exhaling through your left nostril. A 2013 study found that people who tried nasal breathing exercises felt less stressed afterward.
4-7-8 breathing
Gently part your lips and allow your breath to flow in and out.
In addition to these specific techniques, simply taking slow, deep breaths is one of the easiest ways to relax and prepare for sleep. Taking 10 deep breaths can slow your breath and create a sense of calm.
Remember, it's always a good idea to close your eyes when practicing breathing exercises, as this can help you shut out distractions and focus on your breath.
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Frequently asked questions
Physical closeness releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of love, relaxation, and stress reduction. When partners regularly sleep together, the body associates these comforting effects of oxytocin with bedtime, making it hard to sleep alone.
You can try simple ways to stimulate oxytocin independently, such as taking a warm bath, cuddling a body pillow, or using a weighted blanket. You can also try creating a comforting nighttime routine, meditation, or sleep apps.
Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery can help promote relaxation and decrease hyperarousal before bedtime. You can also try journaling to release your worries and quiet your mind.
If you have a fear of safety, work on making your home more secure. You can invest in home security systems, smart locks, or simply call or text a friend before getting into bed. Having a pet can also help you feel less alone and provide a sense of protection.
