
Co-sleeping with a five-year-old is a common situation for many families, with some parents choosing to co-sleep by necessity, for comfort, or to build family closeness. While there are no official guidelines for children of this age group, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advises against bed-sharing for babies under one year old to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Co-sleeping beyond five years old can increase the chances of a child developing unhealthy habits and becoming overly dependent on their parents. However, some experts argue that co-sleeping can provide security and help children sleep soundly. Ultimately, the decision to co-sleep is a personal one, and parents should prioritize their and their child's needs, taking necessary precautions to enhance safety.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Age to start co-sleeping | There is no specific age that is "too old" for co-sleeping. However, co-sleeping is often common during the first two years of a baby's life, and it is recommended to end by the end of age two at the latest. |
| Benefits of co-sleeping | Co-sleeping can help build family closeness and is practiced in many different cultures. It can also be necessary due to a lack of beds or rooms. Co-sleeping can make children feel more secure and attached to their parents, and may improve their sleep. |
| Risks of co-sleeping | Co-sleeping beyond the age of five can increase the chances of a child developing unhealthy habits, such as refusing to consider the value of privacy and being too needy. It can also prevent children from learning to put themselves back to sleep and may hinder their ability to become independent. |
| Transitioning to solitary sleep | It is important to establish a consistent bedtime routine and communicate the plan to the child. Using a reward system or a wake clock can help encourage children to stay in their own beds. |
| Dealing with resistance | Parents can try to provide extra comfort and cuddles during the day and at bedtime to reduce the child's need for closeness at night. It is important to remain calm and reassuring when dealing with a child's anger, sadness, or fear about sleeping alone. |
| Alternatives to co-sleeping | If co-sleeping is not an option, parents can try bringing the child back to their own bed and lying with them until they fall asleep, or agreeing on specific nights for the child to sleep in the parental bed. |
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What You'll Learn

The benefits of co-sleeping
Co-sleeping, or bed-sharing, is a common practice among parents and infants, and it has been observed in many different cultures. While it is a controversial topic, with some healthcare professionals advising against it, co-sleeping does offer several benefits for both the child and the parents.
Firstly, co-sleeping can promote stronger and longer breastfeeding patterns in mothers. The proximity of the infant encourages nighttime feedings and makes the process more convenient, as the baby can be picked up and fed with ease. Breastfeeding has multiple benefits for both the baby and mother, so co-sleeping can indirectly support these advantages.
Secondly, co-sleeping can lead to better-rested parents, which is beneficial for decision-making and emotion regulation. Research suggests that sleep deprivation increases the risk of postpartum depression, so adequate rest is crucial for parental well-being. Additionally, studies have found that fathers who co-sleep experience a greater decrease in testosterone levels compared to those who sleep separately. Lower testosterone levels in men are associated with more sensitive and responsive parenting, indicating that co-sleeping may contribute to improved father-child relationships.
Furthermore, co-sleeping can enhance the safety and protection of infants, particularly during the first few months of life. When sleeping together, adults and babies tend to rouse more frequently and sleep more lightly. This increased arousal allows caregivers to check on their babies regularly and provides opportunities for babies to recalibrate their breathing to match the adult's breathing pattern. This form of co-sleeping, where the baby remains in close proximity but in a separate, modified crib or co-sleeper attached to the bed, ensures the baby's safety while still allowing for the benefits of co-proximity.
While co-sleeping has its advantages, it is important to approach it with caution and be well-informed about potential risks. Consultations with pediatricians and sleep specialists can provide tailored guidance and help parents make informed decisions about their specific situations.
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The drawbacks of co-sleeping
Co-sleeping with a five-year-old can have several drawbacks. Firstly, it can disrupt the sleep quality of parents. Children tend to move around a lot in their sleep, kicking and thrashing, which can make it difficult for parents to get a good night's rest. This can lead to exhaustion and frustration for parents, especially if they have to work or take care of other tasks during the day.
Secondly, co-sleeping can hinder a child's independence and ability to self-soothe. It is important for children to learn how to fall asleep independently and regulate their sleep patterns. Relying on a parent's presence to fall asleep can become a strong "sleep onset association", or sleep crutch, which can make it challenging for children to drift off without that presence. Teaching children to sleep on their own helps them build confidence and independence, which is crucial as they grow older.
Additionally, co-sleeping can impact the time and space for parental intimacy. It may lead to one parent choosing to sleep in a different room, creating distance and potentially affecting the couple's relationship.
Furthermore, co-sleeping beyond the age of five can increase the likelihood of children developing unhealthy habits, such as refusing to acknowledge the value of privacy and becoming overly dependent on their parents. It is generally recommended that by the time children start school, they should be encouraged to be more independent and make their own decisions, which includes sleeping in their own beds.
Lastly, co-sleeping can be associated with increased anxiety in children. Research suggests that co-sleeping is more common among anxious school-aged children, and greater anxiety severity is linked to more frequent co-sleeping. This may be due to the increased dependence on others to fall asleep, which can contribute to poorer sleep quality and more variable sleep patterns.
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Strategies to transition to solitary sleeping
It is important to remember that helping a child sleep alone can take time and patience. With the right strategies, this can become a natural and easy transition. Here are some tips for transitioning to solitary sleeping:
Firstly, establish a consistent bedtime routine. This can include activities such as taking a warm bath, putting on pyjamas, brushing teeth, and reading bedtime stories. A consistent routine helps children feel more secure about going to bed. It is also important to create a comfortable sleep environment by removing electronic devices and, if needed, using a night light.
Secondly, address any separation anxiety that may arise. Provide comfort items, such as stuffed animals or blankets, to help your child feel secure. You can also offer gradual separation from your presence at bedtime. For example, you can tell your child that you will check on them in a few minutes, starting with a 5- to 10-minute waiting period. Gradually increase the time spent apart.
Thirdly, provide reassurance and gradually encourage independence. Identify the cause of your child's fear, whether it is separation anxiety, fear of the dark, or nightmares, and address it effectively. For instance, a night light may help with a fear of the dark, while extra reassurance may ease separation anxiety.
Finally, remember that the transition to sleeping alone is a critical step in a child's development. It encourages independence, improves sleep quality, reduces anxiety, establishes boundaries, and enhances family relationships. Be patient and consistent throughout the process, and offer comfort and support to your child.
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The importance of a bedtime routine
A bedtime routine is essential for children as it helps them develop good sleep habits and improves their sleep quality. A consistent bedtime routine can help children fall asleep more easily as they know what to expect, making them feel settled and safe.
A bedtime routine typically consists of three to four activities, such as having a snack, brushing teeth, putting on pyjamas, and reading a book. These activities should be done in the same order each night. Children benefit from calming and relaxing activities before bedtime, which helps them get the sleep they need to function during the day. A bedtime routine can also help children develop literacy and cognitive skills, especially when it includes reading and storytelling.
It is important to be consistent with the bedtime routine and bedtime, performing the same steps every night, and at the same time. This consistency helps improve settling problems and decreases the number of times a child may call out during the night. It is also beneficial to wind down before bedtime by dimming the lights and turning off screens.
As children grow older, they may want to help plan or adjust their bedtime routine. For instance, a bedtime routine for a school-aged child may include doing homework before dinner to relax, followed by a bath or shower, and then spending time on relaxing activities like drawing, listening to music, or playing a game.
Overall, a bedtime routine is important as it helps children develop good sleep habits, improves their sleep quality, and provides a calming and consistent routine that sets them up for a good night's rest.
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How to handle resistance from your child
It is common for parents to co-sleep with their children, especially during the first two years of a child's life. However, parents should introduce sleeping in their own spaces around the age of five. This is when children are fully grown, yet still young enough to get used to having their own bed and space. Co-sleeping beyond this age can increase the chances of children developing unhealthy habits, such as refusing to consider the value of privacy and being too needy.
- Be consistent: Establish a bedtime routine and be consistent about where your child sleeps. Ensure that they remain in their room if they wake up in the middle of the night. Allowing your child to sleep with you occasionally can demonstrate that this is an option.
- Use a reward system: Depending on your child's age, consider implementing a sleep chart or reward system to help transition them to their room. This system is most appropriate for children over three years old, as they can understand the concept. Tokens or stickers can be given as rewards for staying in their bed all night.
- Break sleep associations: Help your child break any sleep associations they may have, such as falling asleep with a parent in the room. It is important for children to understand that they can fall and stay asleep on their own without these associations.
- Staylisten: Allow your child to express their feelings about going to sleep while providing them with support. Expect a big reaction, as there is likely to be resistance.
- Address your own feelings: Before addressing your child's sleep issues, it is important to offload your own feelings about the subject. Find a listener who will let you vent without judgment.
- Use play and laughter: Play and laughter are powerful tools for loosening tense feelings. Start when things are calm by creating a playful scenario where your child has the more powerful role. For example, you can pretend to fall asleep and invite your child to wake you up.
- Be persistent: Stay in the room where you want your child to sleep and keep them with you. Focus on maintaining the limit calmly and warmly. It is okay to let your child cry, as this can help them heal their fear of going to sleep.
- Gradual transition: If you currently sleep in the same room as your child, you can try slowly moving your sleeping location further away until you are out of sight.
- Take a break: If your child is struggling to fall asleep, take a break from the bedtime routine for 15-20 minutes. Engage in calm activities in dim light, then redo a shortened version of the routine and try again.
- Offer choices: Give your child choices within the bedtime routine, such as selecting their pajamas or the number of hugs before bedtime. This helps them feel a sense of control while still adhering to the routine.
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Frequently asked questions
It is fairly common for children to want to sleep with their parents, especially during periods of high stress, such as starting school or following a traumatic event. However, it is generally recommended that parents encourage their children to sleep independently from an early age.
Co-sleeping beyond the age of five can increase the chances of a child developing unhealthy habits, such as refusing to consider the value of privacy and being too needy. It can also lead to a lack of self-soothing skills, causing increased stress and even insomnia. Additionally, some studies suggest that children who co-sleep may suffer from low self-esteem, high dependency, anxiety, and obesity.
You can establish a bedtime routine to help your child develop healthy sleep habits and positive sleep associations. This can include activities such as reading a bedtime story or singing a quiet song before putting your child into their own bed. You can also use a reward system, where your child receives a token or sticker for sleeping in their own bed and can exchange these for bigger rewards.









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