Astarion's Romance: Sleeping Together Not Required

Romancing Astarion in Baldur's Gate 3 is complex and requires deceit and trickery to build a relationship, even involving morally questionable decisions. Astarion will actively seek to start a romantic relationship with the player character, although he will conceal his true reasons for doing so. This behaviour stems from the depths of his personality. It is recommended to speak with him during long rests to try to understand what is driving him closer to the player character.

Astarion's romance has a push-pull dynamic, where he can be pleased or displeased by dialogue choices, often involving provoking and lying to other characters. The player does not have to be evil to gain his approval, however, he approves when the player makes choices that support independence and autonomy, and when the player helps certain characters in need. Astarion dislikes displays of weakness and does not like acts of kindness or charity that offer no reward.

To initiate a romance with Astarion, the player must gain his approval ahead of the refugee celebration, which occurs after completing the Save the Refugees side quest. If the player has high enough approval with Astarion, he will proposition the player character on his own at some point during Act 1. The player can then accept or decline his advances.

It seems that without taking him up on at least the initial proposition, it is deemed that the player character does not wish to romance him and the option is not available later in the game. However, the player can accept the first time he propositions and decline the second time, which will leave the romance option open.

If the player chooses to sleep with Astarion, this will result in an extra bit of dialogue where he tells the player character he loves them.

You can decline Astarion's initial proposition and still romance him later

If you decline his initial proposition and your approval level is not high enough, he may not proposition you again at the party, and you will be locked out of the romance.

It is also possible to accept his initial proposition and then decline once the cutscene starts. This will not affect your approval rating, and he will ask why you are there if you do not want to sleep with him.

Approval can be gained by killing the Gur monster hunter in the swamp while Astarion is in your party, which will net a large number of approval points.

You can accept his initial proposition but decline once the cutscene starts

You can accept Astarion's initial proposition but decline once the cutscene starts. This will prompt him to ask why you are there if you don't want to sleep with him, and the dialogue will remain "friendly". This route keeps the possibility of a romance open, but only if you accept his initial proposition.

If you decline his initial proposition, you can still accept at the Tiefling party, but if you decline once the cutscene starts, it seems to cut off the romance entirely.

Accepting his initial proposition but declining once the cutscene starts is one of the only ways to keep the romance path open without sleeping with Astarion.

You can accept his initial proposition but decline the second time and still continue to romance him

You can accept Astarion's initial proposition but decline the second time and still continue to romance him. In Baldur's Gate 3, Astarion will actively seek to start a romantic relationship with the player character. However, he will conceal his true reasons for doing so, and his behaviour stems from the depths of his personality.

To initiate the romance, you need to gain Astarion's approval by speaking with him during long rests and making choices that support his independence and autonomy. Once you reach Good approval (40+), Astarion will propose spending the night together, explaining that he wants to return the favour for all the good you have done for him.

If you accept his initial proposition, you can decline the second time and still continue the romance. Choosing dialogue options that express refusal, doubt, or distrust towards Astarion's nature will upset him, but it won't break the relationship. You can gain additional approval by offering your neck for him to bite.

It seems that accepting the first proposition is necessary to trigger the romance, and declining it will lock you out of any romantic interactions with Astarion. However, once the romance is initiated, you have the option to decline subsequent propositions without ending the relationship.

You can decline his proposition before the party and still romance him later

You can decline Astarion's proposition before the party and still romance him later. However, this depends on your approval rating with him. If your approval rating is high enough, Astarion will likely proposition you again at some point during Act 1. If you accept his second proposition, the initial forest scene will play out.

If you decline his proposition a second time, he will ask why you are there if you don't want to sleep with him, and your relationship will remain platonic. However, if you accept his second proposition but decline once the cutscene begins, he will ask the same question, and your relationship will again remain platonic.

If you wish to pursue a romance with Astarion, it is important to note that certain decisions may impact your ability to do so. Progressing too quickly through Act 1 without sufficient long rests or approval rating may lock you out of the romance. Additionally, certain dialogue choices, such as manipulating Astarion into having sex simply for pleasure, will result in him breaking up with you.

You can decline his proposition at the party and still have the option to romance him

You can decline Astarion's proposition at the party and still have the option to romance him. You can decline his initial proposition but accept at the party, or vice versa, and the romance option will remain open. However, declining both propositions seems to cut off the romance entirely.

To initiate a romance with Astarion, you need to gain his approval. This can be done by killing a certain hunter, giving him a certain book, and making conversation choices that he likes. Once you have high enough approval, he will proposition you during Act 1.

If you decline his initial proposition but accept at the party, he will ask why you are there if you don't want to sleep with him, and you will remain with the usual "friendly" dialogue.

If you accept his initial proposition but decline once the cutscene starts, he will ask the same question, and the friendly dialogue will continue.

Accepting the first time he propositions you and declining the second time also seems to keep the romance option open.

Frequently asked questions