Gina Johnson
Sleeping alone after a breakup can be challenging, and it's not uncommon to experience post-breakup insomnia. The stress and trauma of a relationship ending can trigger insomnia and affect your health, productivity, and energy. However, it is possible to adjust to sleeping alone and even learn to enjoy it. Here are some tips to help you sleep better and heal after a breakup.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Sleeping without a partner can cause | Separation anxiety, feelings of isolation and anxiety |
| Reasons | Used to sleeping with a partner, partner's presence acts as a natural "safety signal" for the brain, sound of partner's breathing, weight and warmth of their body |
| Solutions | Create a bedtime routine, use calming essential oils, use a weighted blanket, use separate blankets, use a body pillow, sleep in separate beds or separate bedrooms |
| Other solutions | Take a warm bath, read a book, listen to calming music, invest in soft, high-quality sheets, pillows and blankets, use a white noise machine, stretch, practice yoga, meditation, aromatherapy, breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, 4-7-8 breathing, diaphragmatic breathing |
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What You'll Learn
Create a bedtime routine
A bedtime routine can help you create habits that tell your brain it's time to get ready for bed. It can be a series of activities you do in the half-hour to an hour before bedtime. Here are some tips to create a bedtime routine:
Decide on a bedtime and wake-up time
Decide on a bedtime and wake-up time that works for your schedule and stick to them every day, including weekends. Following a consistent sleep schedule will help train your brain to naturally feel tired at bedtime.
Adjust your bedroom environment
About 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime, adjust your bedroom environment. Turn down the thermostat to somewhere between 60º to 67º F (on average, around 65º F). Dim the lights, or use a lamp or candle instead of overhead lights. You can also keep electronics out of your bedroom or at least out of reach.
Turn off screens
While it may be tempting, avoid watching TV or scrolling through social media before bed. The blue light produced by electronic devices can confuse your brain, making it think it's daytime. This will suppress melatonin production, a hormone that helps prepare you for sleep. If you must use a device before bed, ensure what you're watching or listening to supports positive sleep, like guided meditations or white noise apps.
Take a warm bath or shower
Taking a warm bath or shower can be a great way to start your bedtime routine. The warm water will heat up your body, and as soon as you get out, your core body temperature will lower, triggering the thermal cooling needed for melatonin production.
Practice mindfulness and meditation
Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help reduce anxiety, improve sleep quality, and even help with insomnia. Meditation can be as simple as sitting or lying in silence and focusing on your breath. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. You can also try deep breathing techniques like the 4-7-8 method (inhale for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds) or box breathing (inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, and exhale for four counts).
Read a book
Reading is a common bedtime routine that can promote healthy sleep. It can help you relax and distract your mind from any worries or anxieties, allowing for a more peaceful transition to sleep.
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Make your bed super comfy
Making your bed super comfy can be an easy and inexpensive task. It can help you get a good night's sleep and make you want to spend a few extra minutes snuggled up in the morning. Here are some tips to make your bed as comfortable as possible:
Firstly, invest in a good mattress. This is the foundation of a comfortable bed. If you are unable to purchase a new mattress, consider a mattress topper made of memory foam, feathers, or egg crate foam for added comfort and support. A padded or tufted headboard will also make sitting up in bed more comfortable.
Next, layer your bed with soft, breathable sheets. Cotton or linen sheets are a great option as they are breathable and feel silky against your skin. If you want to stay cooler at night, percale cotton sheets are a good choice as they stay cooler than regular soft cotton sheets. For a warmer option, try flannel sheets, which will feel soft against your skin and add texture to your bed. For a luxurious look, opt for high thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets.
Add a duvet or comforter for warmth. A down comforter is a great option as it is weightless, breathable, and cocoon-like. Choose a solid colour or pattern that suits your style, or go for neutral-coloured linen covers that make you want to snuggle up. Turn down your duvet about halfway to reveal a light blanket underneath, making your bed look soft and inviting.
Finally, add pillows and extras. For sleeping, the number of pillows you need depends on your bed size and sleeping position. If you sleep on your side, choose a firm pillow; if you sleep on your back, a medium pillow is best; and if you sleep on your stomach, opt for a soft pillow. For a queen bed, 2-4 sleeping pillows are recommended, while a king bed may use 4-6 pillows. You can also add decorative accent pillows, throws, or blankets for extra comfort and style.
Remember, you don't need a lot of fancy or expensive pieces to make your bed super comfy. Keep it simple, and choose quality, sustainable options that will last a long time.
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Try a body pillow
If you're struggling to sleep without your partner, a body pillow may be a good solution. Body pillows can be used to alleviate pain, provide support, or simply to have something to cuddle.
There are several types of body pillows, including I-shaped, C-shaped, U-shaped, and J-shaped. The most common shape is the I-shaped body pillow, which is a longer version of a regular pillow and can be rectangular or cylindrical. C-shaped and U-shaped pillows provide support for the head, legs, and back, and can be especially useful for those who are pregnant or have back pain. J-shaped pillows are also good for back support.
When using an I-shaped body pillow, you can sleep on your side facing the pillow, allowing you to hug it and wrap a leg around it. You can also sleep on your side facing away from the pillow to support your back. For C-shaped pillows, you can sleep facing the curved part or with the curve against your back, which can be more comfortable for pregnant people. With U-shaped pillows, place your head in the curve and hug either side, and with J-shaped pillows, rest your back against the curved part.
Body pillows can be especially beneficial for side sleepers, as they reduce pressure on the bottom shoulder and arm and bring the pelvis into a neutral position. They can also be helpful for stomach sleepers, as they allow you to feel like you're sleeping on your stomach without straining your neck muscles. Additionally, body pillows can be used to train yourself to sleep on your side, which can help relieve symptoms of sleep apnea such as obstructed breathing, snoring, coughing, and dry mouth.
If you experience back pain, a firmer memory-foam body pillow can be placed between your knees and under your shoulder to relieve pressure. Body pillows have also been shown to have a calming effect, as a 2013 study found that hugging a pillow-shaped device decreased levels of the stress hormone cortisol in participants' blood and saliva, which is important for facilitating sleep.
When choosing a body pillow, consider your specific needs and preferences. Take advantage of sleep trials offered by pillow brands to find the right one for you, and consult a doctor or physical therapist if you have injuries, chronic pain, or other physical issues that interfere with your sleep.
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Address sleep disorders
Sleep disorders are conditions that affect sleep quality, quantity, and timing, and they can have a significant impact on overall health and quality of life. If you are experiencing sleep issues, it is important to address them promptly to prevent any potential health complications. Here are some steps to help you address sleep disorders:
Consult a healthcare professional: If you are struggling to get quality sleep and feel refreshed when you wake up, it is advisable to talk to a healthcare provider. They can help determine if your sleep issues are symptomatic of an underlying condition, such as depression, anxiety, or diabetes, and refer you to a sleep specialist if needed.
Seek a specialist's diagnosis: A sleep specialist will review your sleep history and perform a physical examination. They may also recommend a home sleep test or an overnight sleep study to monitor your sleep patterns and vital signs. This comprehensive evaluation will help them make a precise diagnosis.
Develop a treatment plan: Once a diagnosis is confirmed, the sleep specialist will work with you to develop a treatment plan tailored to your specific needs. Treatment options may include lifestyle changes, sleep hygiene improvements, therapy, or medication, depending on the underlying cause of your sleep disorder.
Address underlying conditions: In some cases, sleep disorders may be a symptom of an underlying medical or psychiatric condition. Treating the underlying condition can often help resolve the sleep disorder. For example, if anxiety or depression contributes to your sleep issues, your doctor may prescribe antidepressants or refer you to therapy.
Practice good sleep hygiene: Good sleep hygiene involves establishing healthy sleep habits and routines. This includes maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, creating a relaxing sleep environment, and avoiding stimulating activities or substances before bed. Improving your sleep hygiene can make a significant difference in the quality of your sleep.
Consider cognitive-behavioral therapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that can help you identify and change negative thoughts and behaviors that may be contributing to your sleep issues. It can also teach you relaxation techniques and provide tools to improve your sleep habits.
Remember, sleep disorders are common, and effective treatments are available. Seeking professional help is the first step towards improving your sleep quality and overall well-being.
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Experiment with different pillows
If you're struggling to sleep without your partner, it's important to remember that you're not alone. Many couples experience sleep difficulties when apart, and this is often due to the absence of their partner throwing off their routine. The good news is that there are several things you can try to help you get a good night's rest. One of these is experimenting with different pillows.
Pillows play a crucial role in supporting your head and neck, ensuring proper spinal alignment during sleep. The right pillow can make all the difference in preventing stiffness and discomfort when you wake up. Everyone has unique preferences and requirements for their bedding, so it's worth taking the time to find the perfect pillow for you.
Start by considering the fill and firmness of your pillow. Down pillows, for example, are soft and fluffy, while memory foam pillows provide a firmer, more supportive feel. You might also want to try adjustable pillows, which allow you to customise the fill level to your liking. If you tend to sleep on your side, a firmer pillow can help keep your spine aligned, and if your partner's snoring is an issue, introducing a firmer pillow can help reduce their snoring as well.
In addition to the fill and firmness, think about the size and shape of the pillow. Standard rectangular pillows are the most common, but you could also try contour pillows, which are designed to follow the natural curve of your neck and shoulders, or body pillows, which can provide extra support and help you feel less distant from your partner.
Finally, pay attention to the fabric of the pillowcase. Soft, breathable fabrics like cotton or bamboo can enhance your comfort and help regulate your temperature while you sleep. Experiment with different pillow types and combinations to find the setup that works best for you and your partner's sleeping arrangements.
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Frequently asked questions
Sharing a bed with your partner can create feelings of warmth and comfort, so sleeping alone can feel isolating and anxiety-inducing. To help you sleep without your partner, you could try creating a bedtime routine, such as taking a warm bath, reading a book, or listening to calming music. You could also try stretching, yoga, meditation, a warm shower, or aromatherapy. If you need to feel your partner's presence, keep a photo of them nearby or an object that smells like them.
If you and your partner have different sleep schedules, sleeping apart can help you get the rest you need without putting your relationship at risk. Sleeping apart can also improve your relationship because you'll both be well-rested and less irritable during the day.
When a partner is nearby, their presence can act as a natural "safety signal" for the brain, allowing it to relax and ease into sleep. To counteract this absence, you can try practicing calming techniques before bed to ease your brain's response to their absence, gradually training it to relax independently.
